tequila makes my crab dance SOOOO much better
Her vagina smelled like hockey gear.
It's official. Every guy I've slept with has been to jail.
he cracked the bottle of jager at 11am and said "hey, its Saturday and I gotta do something"
sometimes i think i'm bisexual but then i realize the only girl i'm attracted to is myself.
The only reason anyone found out he threw up is because everyone heard it sizzle the bonfire out.
Do you remember unrolling paper towels as a blanket?
Life lesson: When you compete in an impromptu "bloody mary chug-off," in the end, no one wins.
I'm basically just sitting in the porta poTty finishing my bottle of champagne bc I am too lazy to carry it back to the tailgate
I'll even give you a complementary welcome blowjob.
Not my type. One of those types that loves that they're educated, could drink their red wine and have an intellectual conversation and have a wonderful time
An adult?
Not a or good or bad impression, just that you were all basically naked playing beer bong in sombreros and ties. Casual.
I tried to trade my phone for pizza last night. I guess I had priorities last night
Told a guy at the bar I was hurricane evacuees with no place to stay. Just woke up at his place. God bless Florence
Is it sad that the most attractive guy I've come across in a week that's not my professor is the man doing my pedicure?
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