just apologized to a random stranger while waiting in line for coffee. last night was that drunk
i have some very unhappy turtles in my backseat
You thought that the "chillable" logo on the box wine was referring to a city in italy.
She just asked me if I was going to kiss her cat goodby too... This is why we don't stay till last call.
I sent him a pic of my tits.. All he said was, "oh your sun burn"
We need to buy some popsicles so we can remind ourselves we're good at this.
told weddin planner we wanted to work in ceremonial body shots before vows. she hasnt reponded yet...
I lost my grandmas ring. Probably during the handjob.
Josh has a goal of being naked in every RAs room this year. He's already 3/11.
Don't bang him. The amount of Jack Johnson he listens to is embarrassing for even a white person.
VAGINAS ASSEMBLE!
I'm not seeing this movie with you.
I just remember going to take a piss and looking down on the floor and thinking "that looks comfortable" and then I was out.
He suck his junk in my HALF BAKED. Ben & Jerry would totally disapprove. This is worse than sticky dick donut day.
I'm hungover and eating lunch at an elementary school. The children are barking. Litrealy barking, like dogs.
At a bar in the city and the whole place starting singing “Happy Birthday” to someone. Everyone but me. The person next to me leaned over and said, “Why didn’t you sing along?!?” I responded, “I don’t know him. I don’t give a shit if he has a happy birthday.”
Randomize
