I'm so bored and have no one to sexy text
He is such a gentleman, he paid for my plan b
ya and he came three minutes into it because he didnt have sex all summer
oh that makes more sense i knew you arent that good
They left me stranded on the side of the road with a table and five gallons of water. They said it was all I really needed to survive. People are staring
I still love him regardless of his misguided forays into heterosexuality
Yes I hit her with my car. Yes I gave her a ride home. And yes she gave me her number. What's the problem?
According to this USDA thing I just read, I should either get upper respiratory issues or begin to bleed from my nose and mouth.
I think animal control just caught me smoking a bowl on the back porch. Do they have any say in this matter?? Haha
if i bang your brother are we still cool?
The beer shits the day after completing the World Beer Tour at Epcot are just as epic as the tour itself.
For someone who wanted a break I'm getting way to much dick
And by not handle it I mean it makes me want to sit on his face
Just got hit on by a 28-year old, quadraplegic, triple-cancer-survivor redneck. Now updating bucket list to meet newfound standards.
I did put on a shirt to start the night, right?
I guess I called her at 2am, demanding that she bring us food. She told us to order pizza, and I yelled "DON'T MENTION PIZZA!" I recall nothing.
Randomize