yeah she is the one who tells people i beat girls.. which ironically make me want to punch her in the face
that's just what I need...drunk ass people throwin hatchets in the dark.
You should really come over right now. There's hot construction workers across the street. I'm gonna go pour beer on myself in a bikini on the sidewalk. See you in 5?
The stripper from Delilahs paid the desk clerk to find out my room #. Either Im doin something very right or she's doing it worng.
there is potential here for me to have a consistent access to someone's dick who isn't actually an asshole. i think i'm ready for a relationship.
Just went through ex bf's and hook up buddys and liked pictures of them on facebook. A friendly reminder that I will be back in for the holidays
You told me you loved me after I brushed your teeth with my index finger.
Apparently I blacked out and pissed all over the sliding glass door from the inside, as everyone watched from the outside helplessly....
I'm going to join a nudist colony to win $1000. There are no down-sides to this.
I still have his teeth marks on the base of my penis. You didnt miss much
He's the conductor of the struggle bus
I RODE THAT FINE PIECE OF STRUGGLE BUS
I was a plus one at an intervention for a person I didn't know.
I'm currently in a U-Haul truck right now. Going to a party. I hate myself.
just to let you know, that was probably the funniest text i've ever received.
I suppose that kind of helps fill the void where my self respect used to be.
that is our friendship pylon, do not lose it
fuck you.
DO NOT LOSE IT
You waddled all the way home with your shoes in a construction cone. I'm glad to call you my Bestfriend.
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