Well if yoir are still awake and secided to drink... You may aswell drink
That text needs to switch to water.
I told the cop it was my birthday and he said "happy fuckin birthday", handcuffed me and threw me in the back of the cop car.
Mac n' cheese is coming out of my nose. You can't make that feel better
He came on my chest. Sat back and said "hey it sorta looks like lake michigan!" kill me now...
He turned me down because he was still doing his taxes.
I can't believe I cried over a sausage mcmuffin.
This year I'm going to try NOT getting arrested. I think the 30th birthday is the cutoff for calling Mom to bail me out.
I woke up smelling like the ciroc you tried pouring into my mouth last night. I think my clothes are still soaked
He wanted to bang in the work van while we were on shift together. He convinced me with "It's like the Scooby Doo van but looks nothing like the Scooby Doo van."
I cNt phones. tingles in my fingles. jingles
40s are totally the cure
We grabbed as many adult diapers as we could and made a run for it.
He then used a box cutter I keep in my car to open the plan b. Who says chivalry is dead?
At 3:00am my whole house started smelling like cooking meat. I have no idea why she thought it was a good idea to crock-pot a WHOLE turkey that early in the morning.
God I need to hump something, right now.
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