At least we don't have one night stands
True that. We sink our claws in our men.
ugh, today is just one of those 'get high before your 8am class' days.
just passed out while on hold to see if i left my debit card at the bar last night.
not to be a dick but do you remember the names of all your friends i made out with after we broke up?
That is correct. I did in fact somehow pass out in the tanning booth for over an hour. And yes the attendant did have to open it up and shake me awake.
i think i broke my dog last night...fuck
Don't patronize me, I thought of that on peyote, so it was basically like a message from God.
I lost my flask somewhere between dancing shirtless to The Spice Girls and walking around Wawa opening/eating things and putting them back.
He hasn't touched a vagina in two and a half years. THIS IS WAY TOO MUCH PRESSURE TO BE UNDER
I threw up through my nose tonight. Happy cinco de mayo
The problem I'm having with looking for jobs while drunk is reading is really hard
Listening to The Little Mermaid soundtrack should cure my drunkeness right?
My lease is up and I've been thinking, it's only fair that the guys I've fucked in this apartment in the past year help me move. They enjoyed the bed, now help me move it.
I'll be perfectly honest; there are times other guys have consented to have sex with me because of my punctuation.
Attention, i sprayed windex on me to disguise the scent of sex and regret off my clothes from last night
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