the red head has a bf
just because there's a goalie doesn't mean u can't score
Hey guess what I got for Valentine's day? Debt and blue balls.
My eyes got the double whammy. Once with pepperspray from the riot the other with cum. Both of which i did nothing to deserve.
my life is one jail cell away from being a bad country music song.
He said my labia gave my vagina a "cute personality"
Apparently that big girl from last night tried to take me upstairs when I was blacked out and all I did was grab Qs arm and whisper 'don't let her take me'
I'm shaved like a Brazilian hooker right now.
I have the flu.
I don't give a shit
Literally too hungover to pull out of the driveway. Tried 3 times and failed. I'm going back to bed.
If you enjoy dance recitals as much as I do, that's one shitty Father's Day...
In tonight's episode of Travis' Fucked up Sex Life, Travis breaks into a building at Tulane to have sex with an attractive Asian man.
Jesus tap dancing Christ rock out with your cock out is supposed to be just an expression. And even if it weren't no one wants pics bro.
You got your ass kicked outside KFC on Tuesday
Foreign objects found in purse this morning include: chocolate covered pretzels, pepper spray, and farm animal shaped key chains (you know the ones you squeeze and fake poop comes out, yea those)
Give me like 5, I have to feed a moose and find my pants.
Yes I went home with her last night. I woke up this morning and ran into my boss on the way to the bathroom. Monday is going to suck at work.
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