i just woke up at 8pm naked in my bed, with a fresh haircut. I wonder what barber i went to.
You got off, kissed my dick and whispered "stay hard" to it, puked and then got right back on top of me like nothing happened...
my life is one jail cell away from being a bad country music song.
I tried to put the left over margartia in a box for you but they wouldn't let me
Just saw two dudes run across the street carrying a mini keg and a scaled model of the empire state building. Missed this town
I just set the shake weight record at the bar. 20 mins of that crap and drinking beer through a straw will get the job done. I also bet the bartender 100 bucks I could go shot for shot with him. The date for that event is TBA.
Anything that comes outta your cooch is bound to be breathtaking
That could use a little rephrasing
Idk tell her to wear something sluttty. I have that one skirt I got arrested in if she wants to borrow?
Nothing is better than seeing someone you fucked go to the Olympics. I feel so American.
There should be an open time period where you show each other your goods and it's totally socially acceptable to bail.
I wholeheartedly concur
I woke up to pizza pinned to my wall. So that's that.
I'm now using my vagina for good, not evil. Trying to restore balance to the force.
If I die write a nice eulogy and bury me with my star wars bobbleheads
UVE SEEN MY TITS OKAY STOP CRYING
We showed up to the ER to pick him up and I was still wearing face paint from the game. Then I threw up in the sink. Those doctors did not like us at all.
Randomize
