I just had to sit down with an 11 year old who threatened to dick slap a girl.
Im already sauced. Have been for hours. Its kinda my thing.
so whenever I text yeah my phone automatically corrects it to yeahhhheeehhyeahyeahh .. too much party in the USA?
we did anal to Party In The USA and he busted to Firefies .. felt like we were fucking in a middle school dance
some guy just asked me if water gets in a vag when girls take a bath. WTF. it's not a wind tunnel!
I'm in my winter jacket and nothing else. very drunk. bring bitches.
oh man. maybe i should puke on his dick? just to test how much he loves me?
Oh dude, thanks for giving me that liquor last night, except replace 'giving' with 'violently forcing'.
What's the politically correct way of saying you've made someone your bitch?
A drank guy in the ER just sang Trouble to me and when he sang 'Lying on the cold hard ground' he threw himself onto the ground and landed on the wrist he'd just broken. Thirsty Thursday is weird already and it's not even 5.
THIS CHICK IS LIKE SOME SORT OF HOOKER HOUDINI.
Cool. Some 22 year old kids gave me a ride home from the bar last night. In related news, I made out with a 22yr old last night. He was adorable
I just masturbated at work... Don't know why but I thought you should know
It went from a "chill game of beer pong" to "absinthe body shots and a tits parade" in literally two minutes.
Told you inviting her was a good idea.
I'm covered in bruises and scratches. I dont know whether to call them battlescars or sex decals
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