I'm going to buy you a pony but under one condition: you have to name it sarah jessika parker
She poured a bottle of rum in the champagne fountain, did like 5 jello shots at the same time, then lit herself on fire. Twice. This is how everyone should turn 21.
He made me hold his dick and say "I solemnly swear that I'm up to no good"
I feel like a blind man at a water park. Every step has the potential to be either fatal or lead to accidental, but totally enjoyable, sex.
He ripped off his socks and ran around the basement barefoot. His feet turned black. Then he chugged Parmesan cheese. He chugged dry cheese dude.
I took so my adderall all I can do is lie on my floor and stare too hard at my hedgehog. He has 42 spines in the dark spot on his shoulder btw.
you walked onto the street in the middle of the 10K in your thong. it was a whole new kind of expirience.
LET US USE OUR GENITALS TO CELEBRATE THIS VICTORY
Sorry about waking up naked in your bed this morning.
I saw a kitty kat get finger blasted on the couch by a Bulls player
There is a high possibility I will pass out with my hand in a bag of Doritos
IDK I WAS CAUGHT UP IN THE TEQUILA SHOTS AND FRIENDSHIP
Just seriously saw this chick say, watch this motherfuckers then did a 42 sec keg stand.
You at least asked for her number right?
Our fake lesbian relationship is better than her real relationship. Bitch be jealous
NOT PREGNANT according to the two dollar tree pregnancy tests I took in the tacobell bathroom. Come meet me at tacobell for celebratory soft tacos.
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