Duck Duck Cougar?
theres a boy scout troop on my plane. right now theyre playing wilderness games. let me just tell you how excited i am to hit on all of them
You missed a lot. I drank contact solution thinking it was water, vodka thinking it was water and some unidentified substance that reminded me of pine sol thinking it was water..
We found you on the floor drooling you kept saying over and over how you were double jointed.
You were dancing around the clubbing yelling "best wingman ever" and raising your cast in the air
I just fucked my ex's ex's ex. Love quadrilateral complete
I knew we would be good together when you made me lick jameson off your boob while you screamed along with racks on racks
I just kept screaming "I'm fucking a preacher's son!" Also, this water tastes like weed.
i think i broke my dog last night...fuck
Hey I'm not sure why your jacket's covered in maple syrup but I just realized you didn't leave the house earlier wearing a jacket...
Yoga may not b such a good idea for me today. My liver is obviously in cahoots with my colon to pay me back for the past 24 days of misuse . Downward dog could have catastrophic consequences.
i was enjoying my post acid trip trance a little too much. i found $50 on the sidewalk but didnt pick it up. just stared at the bill cuz it looked cool.
someone picked it up and i stared at the ground where it was for probably another minute or 2
Not after That Night. No. I hate tequila. And it hates me. Very mutual hateship going on.
Just gave candy to a strange child. Not my best move.
I'm at home, drunk, and I just called the guy I lost my virginity to and invited him to my wedding.. I've got to stop drinking by myself.
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