I told her at least we still had each other. That's when she started crying.
The last shot i remember taking was toasted to "love, sex, and magic". Needless to say I was 0 for 3 on that toast for the night.
I can't finish this paper in my room because every time I get distracted I start masterbating. I think it's time to go to the library...
I went back up to the apartment to get her phone and when I came back she was peeing on the sidewalk
Escorted a stripper to her car last night,and all I got was a "Thanks" and "Go Steelers."
we were shitfaced at work by 8pm. I had to stop myself from pouring vodka in everyone's cappuccino.
It's amazing I mean I blew that senator just for him to deny me marriage.... Politics suck and he swallowed!
It's like god made him fantastic at oral to make up for what his mouth does the rest of the time.
Ideas I've had tonight: An entire movie based off the Pixar lamp jumping on stuff.
I'm so stoned I just sat here for like at least 45 min thinking about how I would get some jack in the box tacos if only I knew where my wallet was and then I kind of blinked and finally noticed I had literally been staring at my wallet the ENTIRE fucking time
I asked Tony because I knew he wouldn't give me a lecture about consequences
???? Tony IS a lecture about consequences
man sorry about that. It's like god was willing me to be an asshole. I haven't filled my quota for the day
I mean, I bought pot and shampoo before I ran out. I think I can adult.
WHY didn't you stop me from ordering $900 worth of socks last night when I was very obviously judgement impaired at the time?!?!
How much of a thot would I be if I put this pic up? On a scale of thot-ish to Queen of Thotlandia
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