Apparently he's never heard a queef, he totally thought I farted and got freaked out.
I think I'm pregnant with his hipster baby. It keeps kicking my stomach to the beat of mgmt songs.
then she made me sanitize my hands before fingering her...i may have found my soulmate
She was asian and in a relationship... my two weaknesses
You were running around with scissors offering people free haircuts.
dude, i think we just came across a situation where tits weren't worth it.
mom in a round about way told me to either donate my eggs or become a surrogate bcuz I need money.
Stop. He threw up in front of Madison Square Garden security. Spit at the guys feet and grunted ughhh at him.
Srsly this has gone to far. Just broke my nose on the toilet. College bars.
Somewhere between yelling how am I gonna make it to my flight and more titie shots I stopped caring
Can we make a sex game out of monopoly somehow?
I let my daddy issue flag fly free last night.
FIND ME A DICK TO RIDE THAT HOPEFULLY IS ATTACHED TO A CUTE PERSON AND NICE PERSONALITY
CHALLENGE ACCEPTED. Is it okay if I only get 2 out of 3?
The D is nonnegotable.
Just walked past the field playing Jesus music with a fanny pack full of condoms and beer. Happy Sunday.
Today one of my patients offered me pot brownies. Medical school worth it. Living the dream.
Randomize