Getting fucked up met up rando with a girl I confesswed my love for last night. weird, going with it
I told him it tasted like his mom..needless to say we were asked to leave.
I just had to have my mom look at my penis to figure out what it was. How do you think my day is going?
you missed a midterm to shack? WOW. How desperate are you?
I am not hooking up with him just to see what his penis looks like.
but the lizard people decide everything anyway
her boobs were like sundried tomatoes..
At first I was confused when I woke up with shards of glass and pickle brine in my pants. But then I remembered I hung out with you last night.
Defiantly just threw away our yearly bottle collection in front of the campus tour. The school should pay me for recruitment
You are two creepy Justin Bieber quotes away from me not talking to you for the rest of the day
If I had a pelvic thrust emoticon, I would use it
He wrote on the paper that he wanted a "Ptitty burreto" from taco bell...when we ordered it the girl paused and entered "Potatoe burrieto"....we laughed
I feel like saying your blowjobs are worth a burrito is not the best strategy to get him to be more giving in bed.
A valentines day commercial would come on while I'm masturbating...
I'm done being drunk I wish I could snap my fingers and be sober
Are you still passed out in my back seat, or do I need to come find you?
Randomize
