My t9 writes chubies instead of bitches.
either way. win, win.
how do you spell 'special'? like slow?
S P E L L C H E C K
No you dumbass thats not right
So I tried to call my phone from his phone and was like, "hey, my name is not in here..I thought you had my number" turns out he has my number saved as "gives good head"
My family just suggested tequila shots. I had Vietnam style flashbacks.
I think I could pass a breathalyzer. But with like a C.
Can we ask the Hungry Howie's guy to pick up some blunt wraps on the way over?
Someone at all my grapes... if it was you or one of your hoodrat friends I swear to god I'll shit in your shampoo
The bride and groom wore the Batman masks I brought. Best wedding ever.
Unfortunately hes not a hipster douchebag with no life goals, so naturally I'm not interested.
Waiting to interview and found a beer in my purse from last night
did you know gatorade and rum go really good together
Are you doing depressed science again
maybe
i was trying to figure out what "tidy fucking" was when i realized he meant "titty fucking" and i need to start banging smarter people....
I was apparently the best non-Irish person at the party. I wore my skating dress, Austrian flag and a giant shamrock. Everyone is calling me "30 Shots Girl".
It’s like a buffet of marriages! Every option is available to you!
Had to trim my nails cus they got too long to effectively finger myself with
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