Did we have sex last night?
I think that was the general idea until I got you undressed and you puked on me.
my mom was in labor with me for 32 hours, it's only fair to start drinking now.
i dont even mind you always shaving my pubes when i pass out, i'm starting to find it liberating.
I don't know what you're talking about. I just drank beer out of my own bellybutton by doing a backbend and letting it run down my body.
She kept sniffing my sweater and tried to guess what type of detergent I use.
All I could think about when I saw her was that she could be the mother of my future first round draft picks
Gave him an awesome blow job on his living room couch last night, so at least he'll have something nice to think about next time he's watching the Tigers lose.
probably one of the worst weekends ever... i got peed on by his sleepwalking roommate.
Life Epiphany- I need to have children so I can be the drunk grandma at family functions. Its my destiny.
Nothing says "future AA member" like bonging 40's out of a plastic flamingo.
It's 2pm, and I just had to pass a guy in the turning lane because he was driving down Main Street in an electric wheelchair pulling a flatbed trailer with 2 of his buddies in it and they were all drunk holding beers.
We inadvertently arrived at the strip club on Bear Night. The dancers all look like young Santa Claus and there's a buffet....
Timehop reminded me that 4 years ago today I helped a one armed man do the YMCA by being his other arm.
I don't care if his family has ties to the mafia, you go over there, ride his dick until it breaks off, put his dick back on, and keep on riding. Lather, rinse, repeat.
Thanks for the support, sis.
I kicked down a wall in rage and found a door behind the drywall. Once again vandalism solves all my problems.
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