I jusy said out loud "gingers unite in the middle of the night"
she claims you yelled BOMBS AWAY when you came. tell me she's lying
but she didn't tell you i squeezed, built up pressure, and napalmed her face as i yelled it, did she
I dont understand how a fully grown man could convince himself that lime green crocks would look good on him.
I'm not sure...it could be the pasta I ate from her sink, the dominoes, or just the alcohol. Or a wicked combination of all 3.
Sorry I fell asleep again. I'm in the shower now. Door is unlocked. Condoms are in my desk. I want your game face on for when I get out.
You know your in for a great weekend when you buy the booze already in crutches
I have green food coloring in my hair and just got a text from "Guy in the Yard"...so this morning is going just as you might imagine.
Post walk of shame: realized the underwear I put on when I left was another girl's underwear.... woof
When he was fat he reminded me of my high school best friend and I just wanted to hug him and hug him. Also, he's funny and humor is the fastest way into my pants after Doctor Who and liquor.
My day in three words: secret purse cake
I'm not winning any crowns in the Miss Emotionally Stable pageant either...
Dealing with people is so much easier after you've had an orgasm or 4.
Why does my nose taste spicy?
How do you know what your nose tastes like?
woke up this morning to a baggy full of adderall and two redbulls..i'm gonna marry this guy one day
Question: the touchscreen on my phone randomly quit working, do you think this could be a latent reaction from me peeing on my phone last weekend?
Randomize
