he got wood on it!
i know. i had to sit in his lap on the plane. he also wore teva sandals.
...i was talking about hockey
Someone should tell Glenda that I only hang with her because she makes me look prettier.
the homeless guy was waiting for me this morning. this is the closest to a boyfriend ive had in years.
Being the adderall dealer on campus, I feel responsible for everyone graduating.
... I threw up in the shower this morning
You were "I'm not drunk" drunk.
I was feeling sad so bedroom vodka seemed like the best solution at the time.
AND FUCKING MGMT JUST CAME ON. CAN I GO DROWN MYSELF IN LESBIANS OR SOMETHING? IS IT TIME TO LESBIAN
we're fated to lesbian
The neighbors outside are screaming at one another about God knows what and everyone is too scared to go outside and we NEEd more beer
I slept with someone only because he got my Simon Birch impression. It was a new low.
It felt like a sumo wrestler slapped me. With a wet hand. 8 times in a row.
i passed out twice in the shower, twice on the bathroom floor, once holding the toilet bowl and 8 times moving from the bathroom to my bed. Tequila sucks.
You were fine, but your knee injury definitely came from interpretive dancing like a gay fairy with lead wings all around the Mission St BART. Everyone thought you were on drugs.
i just found my fake in the snow. LIFE IS AWESOME
My relationship: I'm wearing batman panties and a tiara right now trying to get laid and he's doing dishes.
why did i wake up in the bathroom?
we had to stay with you a while until we convinced you it wasn't safe to wash your face, then you fell asleep with your foot in the toilet.
we bonded over knowing every word to freaky gurl by gucci mane so it’s kinda starting to make sense why I gave him head in his cul de sac
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