Everytime we come here you have an ex here.
I dont get it-she has sex with me but wont be my facebook friend?
You keep asking me questions like I have this magical thing called a memory
non applicator tampons are so hard to put in when your drunk. i fingered myself for 10 minutes and forgot what i was trying to do.
just dd'd my mom home while she begged me to let her drunk dial my ex, jammed out to party in the usa, and then passed the fuck out. thanks for the genes mom.
Can you get arrested or in trouble for punching a dead relative in a casket?
I can't wait til my little brother reaches the point where puking doesn't mean we stop drinking
he went up stairs with nothing on but calvin klein's and an eskimo hat, said hi to her dad, got a doughnut, and left like it was an everyday thing
The kid I'm babysitting just asked if I had a boyfriend. WHY IS A FOUR YEAR OLD MAKING ME FEEL BAD ABOUT MY LIFE
I feel like our relationship should have moved on from you constantly asking if I'm gay
theres too many punctuation errors in that text to turn me on.
Who'd have thought a guy with a lisp would be so good with his tongue?
Wait, cocaine is okay but tanning isn't?
I just remembered how you stole the slinky from me. Bitch, I will NEVER forgive you.
Yeah. I got a Tetnus shot then partied like it was 1999.
Randomize
