Only at my house do scrabble games turn into fist fights. I won though... the fight not the board game.
I was watching truelife I'm transgendered. This tranny already got a date a week after getting a vagina. I've had a vagina my entire life and can't get a date.
Sometimes i wish my penis was detachable that way i could take it off sometimes so i wouldnt get into these situations
I just washed champagne and tuna off my body. I feel like that was a successful shower.
No more vodka shots for you. Last night you begged a man on your knees to sell you his beard. He had no beard.
His phone pocket dialed me while he was crapping. He was quietly singing stayin alive and possibly passing his intestines.
Karaoke machines out. We're taking turns farting into the microphone. Shits going south fast. Definitely be awake when you get home.
You sent me a cat video and you screaming drunkenly in my background
I mean, I introduced myself as "the after party". I think he knew early in the night he was in for a bangathon.
I told him the only reason I'd sleep with him is if we have a threesome because I'll need moral support
One of your snapchats was of you with a 40oz of Mickeys and the caption: "Deep Throat back in her natural habitat"
Also, full disclose I puked in a fruit barrel box
I’m not closing myself off the to the possibility of making a bad life choice.
My condom drawer is now filled with W-2s and tax return documents. Is this adulting?
I'm not a morning person, and, trust me, no matter how good your cock may be, it will not turn me into one.
Randomize
