I was in the bathroom and her cat just looked at my penis with a profound hatred.
can't believe I ate straight coffee grounds to stay awake for that
she works at a police station now. i think thats the definition of keeping your enemies closer.
I banged her roommate when she was gone. She came back with a chicken sandwich and a bj. Then she said " smells like my roommates vagina" I think I can get a threesome tonight
Ahahhahaha I'm not that stupid but then again I thought cabo was in Africa until yesterday
If you do wifi you would be helping my penis out & real friends care about their friends penises...
Partying with them is like having your dick stapled to your left nostril
I just threw up birthday cake.. who's birthday was it?
Now I have to set an alarm for less than 6 hours from now to wake her up, get her showered and get her to her first day of tutoring a kid from her church. WTF is my life?
If I just skip sleeping, does hangover still happen? Gonna try it. Will report back. StTAND BY
Out of all the things you could eat off of my tits you choose lettuce? Thats so healthy. Yuck.
It's all fun and games until your in the alumni campus center puking on the floor
I'm a terrible person when I drink. I went from fine to not making any sense and yelling about cheese in like 30 seconds.
dude the dog literally grabbed the condom out of the trash can and threw it in the air i'm screaming
You call it sex. I call it penis conditioning.
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