i'm not a human right now. not even a dancer.
awesome recipe for disaster- bar hopping at the airport
just fyi, hangover + ice skates = really bad idea
I may have a concussion but the symptoms are the same as a hangover so I can't tell. Best 21st ever.
Not gonna lie i was comfortable between the allsups air conditioners while you were talking to the cop.
Decided to go explore a half built apartment complex at 4 a.m and leave a 3 block obstacle course in the alley ways on the way home.
she's traveling up the coast with her camera and a stash of pot cookies eating food from different campuses. said she slept in a closet 2 states away last nite... of course I'm interested
I know this is really fun but I don't wanna glow anymore
We are both federal employees and Obama gave us a four-day weekend to lie in bed. Do you know how many orgasms that will be? I knew there was a reason I voted for this guy.
antibiotics and champagne: breakfast of champions
I think the universe has a conglomeration of sentences reserved only for me.
I had sex on a sidewalk in downtown Chicago... I don't think I have anymore morals to lose.
I just jerked him off with one hand while holding my wine glass with the other and watching Congo. I feel like this was a preview to my married life...
mother daughter bonding time. she's helping me make jello shots.
Omg. I'm living macklemores best life. I have someone's granddads dog, I'm about to have someone's grandmas car. I look incredible.
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