The worlds most fuckable chipmunk
i gave him head before the novacaine wore off...i think his penis touched my lung
and in the morning, while we were eating breakfast, she was all " i think someone sneezed into my shirt..." she'll never know.
I'm going to get so drunk tonight, I actually feel bad about the 30 seconds of drunken awkward sex I'm going to have with one lucky fat chick.
I have a spoon shaped bruise on my ass...
The only way i can get arrested is public drunkenness or defacing a national monument. Trust me, i have already looked it up.
I really need to stop drunk texting. My one night stand just agreed to go roller skating.
YOUR DICK HAS BEEN IN ME I DO NOT WANT TO BE SET UP TO MEET YOUR FRIENDS
she stole my Timberlands and my Sublime shirt and left her heels and bra. this is war
doing the walk of shame back to your house in nothing but a bed sheet was definitely not one of my proudest moments..
My roommate taped his phone to the ceiling fan to simulate walking so he could hatch Pokémon. Lazy people will always find a way.
Maybe if I ever do become a counselor, I would just implement a kind of intensive meme therapy.
Going to the pool bar doesn’t exactly count as “exploring”
hopefully I won't be diving through a thorn bush to escape an explosion this time
He cut off part of his middle finger playing the knife game while singing The Knife Game Song at the top of his lungs. He also scream like a girl when his finger hit the floor and he realized he fucked up.
Randomize
