Nothing gets me like the O.C. theme song does.
"Hung over, tired and having a faint scent of some body butter and random pieces of glitter from a girl named gigi, almost arrested in drug bust, $40 Canadian in my pocket and all i got was this lousy Tshirt" shirts dont exist, but they need to
I'm just trying to think of how much money Little Debbie would make if pot was legalized.
He set an alarm on my phone to an infant screaming and puking to make sure i take my pill. its working.
yeah the little voice in my head screaming YOU NEED TO GET LAID eventually grew legs and started kicking me so to avoid brain damage i had to fuck him
Dedication to a hook up: I had to recruit five people at the train station to help me buy a ticket from a kiosk and get on the right train in 15 minutes because I discovered that my car was stolen.
Worrying about "What smells like cat pee?" is so much easier than worrying about "What am I doing with my life?"
SHUN THE NONBELIEVERS. THUS SAYS THE NIPPLE LORD
I'm not sure. But he has a pet sugar glider. So, points either way
As long as that's not his name for his dick.
His dick is the size of my forearm. Would it be rude to ask to take a comparison photo after sex?
Good to know. If our sexting moves past early 1900s vernacular, I'll be sure to use that once or twice.
I looked into this "it's just lunch" matchmaker thing and it was like 5 grand. If I'm gonna spend five grand I'll throw in another three and get new tits and find my own fucking husband.
He bedazzled a shirt for me that said "best head giver" should I be thankful for the gift or concerned that he has a bedazzler?
Fucking hate kids. In particular I hate our kids.
Like sorry your dick won’t suck itself?
Randomize
