You thought cars couldnt see you if you stuck your head in the mail box
Goodbye hot boy in my geo class...goodbye my lover, goodbye my friend. you have been the one, you have been the reason I came to claassss
At the T-Rex bar with my nephew...only in Disney can I have a beer and a soda at the bar with a 4 year old
Hey welcome to Rick's drunk text tree. Rick is drunk right now please respond with "shut up" to remove your name from this list. Thanks for playing.
I have a king size bed, I guarantee multiple orgasms, and I'll give you a ride home in the morning. Respond quickly.
why is my new profile picture on Facebook one of me with a bunch of strangers on an elevator?
Hypothetically going to the gym on coke was a good idea
His morals are debatable, but his heart or perhaps his penis is in the right place.
His penis is crooked. Right place? Maybe he starts there, but then he slants.
While we were driving she just screams from the backseat: MUMFORD AND SONS DROP THE BANJO and made what were meant to be banjo sound effects
A stripper just invited me to her daughter's birthday. Where did my life go wrong?
i stood outside in the bushes for thirty minutes. Do you know how many drunk guys pee in bushes at 2 am?
Jungle juice breakfast? No? Ok.
How I know I would be an awful mother....I just stirred the bong up with a baby fork. A literal baby fork....
snapping my married booty call and next thing I know a plan b ad pops up
I’ve looked at so many mouse vaginas in the past week
Randomize
