Why are there hot girls at the dollar store?
The recession has changed everything man.
Billy Mays is dead too!
Somewhat annoying American icons better be watching their backs
I think vodka calistinics prior to and during beer olympics was a bad idea
theyre doing DJ Khaled impressions again...
I woke up with dick mouth, a raw vagina, an empty bottle of vodka and the best man next to me. I also found my thong by the pool. Best.Wedding.Ever.
I literally need to be slapped with another cock just to notice it.
I love you. I'm too high for this. Find a way. Make it happen. Live strong.
I walked into your room and you had fallen asleep smoking a cigarette. You just had the butt in your mouth with ash all over your face.
I'm sitting in Starbucks, waiting for direction in my life, or it to be 8 p.m. Whatever comes first.
I broke a glass at the bar and ended up with blood on my forehead. I apparently kept screaming BLOOD like the little boy in that YouTube video.
If the ex isent in town and im crying under a table somewhere because of it can we go to a drag show or something
How high were you when you left that message, cause you made honest-to-God, credible seal noises.
Bring beers. The password is "I brought beers" but you can't come in if you're a liar
Say whatever the fuck you want about me, but leave my deceased cat out of it.
Nana added me on facebook...i think i'll have to call her and warn her about my lifestyle before i confirm her as a friend.
Randomize
