96 perecent sure i just took a shower with socks
if she leaves who will i have to secretly talk about behind thier back
You going to midnight mass? we need a dd
I've ID'd the nipple biter.
My roommate says its rare that you can be tear gassed before you lose your virginity so i feel accomplished in life
My body is a temple...that happens to be able to get me free Patron shots at the bar
You know you drank too much last night when your mouthwash tastes like water
You lifted he top layer off his birthday cake and made it say 'eat me' in the cookie monster voice so yeah he knew.
You told the entire smokers deck that you were blowing .08 now and anyone else willing later
you were caressing the jar of pickles then you looked down and whispered to them "I want you inside me"
Just went over my top ten highlight reel with that guy I'm fucking. It was like we were sports announcers. But about sex.
Yeah, it was all very half-hearted. In the middle of sex we both just stopped and looked at each other and said, "can we just sleep instead?"
That is so sad.
The guy in the room next to me just offered to hide the next dose of morphine he will get for his broken leg under his tongue and then swap it with me in exchange for a roll of the good toilet paper my parent brought for me last they visited. The psych ward is a lot more hardcore than I thought.
My boss couldn’t find her phone so she asked me to call it and when I found it the screen said Fuck Toy was calling. I’m very much okay with this
He ate me out for my sailor moon manga and I gave him a blowjob for his Devilman manga. Pretty sweet deal imo
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