I just saw a woman parallel park a horse. Awesome. Only in New York..
Ways to know you did something wrong: you sugar-coated it for your therapist.
I woke up at 2 in my clothes with a defrosted steak in my pocket, no drinky this week at all.
Um, yeah. You lit my birthday candles with a joint. Mom= not happy.
You wrote me a letter and I cannot make out anything you wrote except the last sentence which says "tell the wolf ill meet him at sunset and that I'm sorrry"
We did however see an 87 year old guy die and get resuscitated last night at the bar. He then finished his beer and his game of pool.
It's a special occasion. Hence the 151.
Mystery lines found in a Pyrex dish in the back of my pantry at 415 am. No recall as to it's origin. Unidentifiable taste. Obviously I'm doing them
at the time it didn't seem likely that you would ever find the cake in your underwear
No, he went to go get condoms. The least I could do was chug two beers before he got back
I'm having one of my monday morning walk of shame coffees if you care to join.
This is literally engraved into my seat "Need crack?" And then there's a number. This isn't real.
I love the barter system - he got laid and I got him to bring me some ibuprofen. A win-win really.
I wrote a pretty good eulogy, too. Motherfucker pastor had no sense of comedic timing.
I took my makeup off with mouthwash. Seemed like a good idea. It worked.
Randomize
