Is my tampon string too long for this dress?
Just so you know, each of my boobs fits perfectly in a martini glass.
we're doing shots for every degree below freezing it is outside
No. He just yelled "youre having one more orgasm!" So he made that happen and then he rolled over and went to sleep.
Although I wish I was out drinking, this cough syrup has me slightly more optimistic than usual.. I heavily debating trying to find mystical creatures and selling them to rich people as pets
I'm gonna go drown myself in the shower. Make sure to cover me up before the paramedics arrive. I'm too fat to be seen naked right now.
we've had our differences but let's set them aside, go home and fuck
Nothing says "I mean business" like using a cart at the liquor store.
She's opening her family birthday cards at the bar. So we can pay our tab. Bitches wrote checks :(
if i do community service solely to impress a guy, everyone wins, right?
except your soul
What the matter? A girl can't play some Super Mario without being accused of being high?
Holy shit I'm 26! That took an embarrassingly long time to figure it out, I need to keep buyin weed from this kid
Hey so I got my period
Thank god I wasn't ready to deal with sober you for 9 months
He's smoked my weed, stolen my cigarettes, and used my campus cash, but I try to initiate sex and NOWWW he's all "As your RA, that's a line I can't cross"
you said, "the pool was totally tequila. and i left my shoe halfway across town. and by shoe i mean car" it appeared to me that you didn't have your shoes or car.
Randomize
