im at a bar with my dad last night and he got hit on more that I did
Doctor said I have sports induced asthma.
Call me old fashioned, but around here we call that "out of shape."
Telling me its the beginning of school is like telling me the crown royal fairy has come back from vacation.
Also...you were trying to touch his balls without him noticing
I was taking a bath and he burst in, sat down and started taking a shit. RIGHT BESIDE ME. My lack of privacy astounds me.
her wearing orange crocs at the bar was definitely a great form of contraception
Well she started to strip and when she slung her hair at me, she painted my face with sweat. A LOT OF SWEAT. It was a weird boner.
No no no he wouldn't talk to me before I showed his best friend how good I am at twerking
Like I want to yell at him for pissing on my floor but there's still a chance its my pee....
I asked Tony because I knew he wouldn't give me a lecture about consequences
???? Tony IS a lecture about consequences
Like I don't care that he's a drug dealer, but I have a problem with his inefficient and ineffective business model.
He gave me a box of cheez-its after sex, does that make me a hooker?
Why am I a human magnet for the worst dicks of the world?
I plan on getting so intoxicated, that I think it's MY own birthday
Can I play this game?
Is it weird that my mother is taking body shots off my gf after meeting once?
Randomize
