He's getting better. i'm using GuitarHero to teach him how to finger me. My clit = the red tab.
I just found 51 cents in my bed. Did you leave me a tip?
he cracked the bottle of jager at 11am and said "hey, its Saturday and I gotta do something"
Well when you're drinking tequila mixed with water out of a steve Austin cup I really don't think acquiring a straw is your main priority
you were yelling that somebody needed to take your bra off with such enthusiasm my first thought was that you were on fire.
I got Pilsbury cinnamon rolls for us to have tomorrow, but I don't have the willpower to leave them in my fridge overnight, so I am eating them all and getting us more in the morning
I love you more by the minute
One good thing about being really drunk when you go out to dinner is that the leftovers are a surprise. These quesadillas had shrimp in them! Who knew?
It's like an adderall Houdini. Right when you think you have a deal he disappears
At least his std test came back clean, gotta look at the positives here
well I didn't shave for the hot dilf I banged last week so I'm sure as hell not shaving for you. Sry
You know you turned your life around when your drunk eating salad at 3 am on a Friday night
I think clothing becomes optional at the second date! But you seem like a rule breaker
Is it something I'm going to want to hug you for or slap you for?
We talked about breaking up, had sex, and in the middle of said sex, talked more about breaking up- best sad day ever
I just woke up with a cowboy hat on my face and a playboy from the 90s on my chest
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