Without porn, I would have few hobbies.
Fuck Jersey, the house im in is so baller but this state just cannot win.
She goes outside, smokes 2 cigarettes, and insists on walking up the 7 flights of stairs so that her heart stays in shape. this woman is crazy.
he told me it was a naked video of him so i opened it. i just got rickrolled while sexting
Turning 21 on Saint Patty's day. I like to think this is what my alcoholic ancestors have prepared me for
I just saw someone EAT a flashcard out of frustration. Finals suck.
and I'm sitting five inches from the tv scrunched up in a ball watching doug. It's like I'm five again...except I'm more stoned than the dude who created this show
There are parrots here and they're headbanging to the music. There's also a clown and a pit bull that can jump onto tables. Too high for this shit.
It's like getting ready for my vaginas own execution
The plane down was full of newly weds and I counted 5 pairs of mile high club members. Actually, one might have been a group membership discount.
Powdered alcohol is a real thing now. Move over crystal light... Water bottles rejoice!!
Fuckin' raining men in my bedroom while I'm trying to drunk eat a rather large portion of pasta. Like shoo I already picked who I'm sleeping with. Pasta wins.
Your life is quite full of dick lately.
It really is!
Just calling to thank you for not dying. I love you.
I ended up sleeping with him in a public bathroom because neither of us remembered where we lived. I have hit a new low.
Randomize
