forecast for tonight is alcohol, low standards and poor decisions.
Highlight of my evening, pile of books falling onto me in front of people
I think I'd do Clint Eastwood.
...kinda gettin a major gay vibe from you right now.
That was a text you sent me last night.
My last google search was 'bulk asian wives' I don't know either
Post-shopping-cart-scooter-jousting victory fuck?
They reenacted the scene from the lion king where mufasa talked to simba from the clouds. As high as they were they got it word for word. There has to be an award for that.
I want to go out and have good clean fun.
Ok, but that does not include Bud Light Platinum and your vagina.
Well, my family didn't see me in my drunken super slut state at Summerfest, so there must be a God.
You climbed out your own window and walked in the front door..
Being able to fart in her presence and not be judged is why I pay half the rent.
I've literally NEVER been on a date or gotten through one episode of netflix without having sex like I JUST WANT TO WATCH TRUE DETECTIVE
I have his gate key so know he has to see me again.
'valentine' just autocorrected to 'cake robe' in my phone
I think that summarizes my life up pretty accurately
He brought me another shot of rum, ice and my underwear when I woke up.
What a gentleman.
I KNOW, right?!
See I just want a dick that I don`t have to deal with or talk to unless it is inside me. Is that so much to ask for?
Randomize