There need to be more gay people on my afternoon soaps.
I just saw the pics of me from the costume party as Party Boy. I've effectively cock-blocked myself forever.
im covered in puffy paint and glitter i cant find kevin and im wearing shoes that dont belong to me....come get me please
He said he wants to make an itinerary for the sex we'll have when I come home.
My TA just came over to give us drugs. Now he's drinking grey goose with my roommate and explaining his thesis to her. This is too much.
You could probably play six degrees of separation of my cock in this city.
His pick up line was "your one sexy pumpkin, I'd love to carve." Why would you let me go home with him?
We shouldn't eat pizza in the pool
We r drinking tequila out a glass bottle and smoking weed underwater, pizzas the least of our concern
There is a special place in Hell for whichever one of you put Ben Gay on my dildo. It was a very uncomfortable April 1.
I can control the tv with my phone while pooping on the second floor. I thought you should know for future reference
He told me I smelled like fruit loops and then bit me on the tit
You were hitting on girls while wearing the banana suit. When they rejected you you yelled "I gotta split anyway."
So i stood up out of the sunroof while he gave me oral. Car was still moving. Exactly how illegal is that?
On a scale of 1 to 10 how concerned should I be
Just FYI: if you happen to notice a liquid of some sort on my kitchen counter with an interesting color/ texture, don't taste it
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