she tasted like a mixture of sweat and destiny
im returning my roomates shirt with a "i got laid in this" thank you note
we decided it was best to cut you off after we caught you trying to "baptize" my cat in the jungle juice
This girl can open a bottle without using her hands and she's 21. She meets my standards
let's just skip the pleasantries and go back to my place for pizza and casual sex
I'm having flashbacks from last night. Did I admit to pausing Whitney's funeral because I was watching porn? I believe I did.
You took it upon yourself to rid the world of them, and by that I mean you dressed up as Batman and started kicking them in the shins.
I love how my phone automatically capitalizes Margarita. R-e-s-p-e-c-t.
It is such a beautiful day to not be arrested
Someone needs to fuck me in my slutty pumpkin costume and I would ideally like it to be you
Just puked in a cup. Poured it out the window.
Have you forgotten that this whole sexy cop role play started with a comment about my mom?
I'm dancing with a sandwich I just made cause I'm so happy how delicious it tastes, that high haha
I'm tired of you and your emotional constipation. WHY DO YOU CLOSE YOUR EYES WHEN WE MAKE LOVE!?
hey, cheif big dick, where the fuck are my panties.
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