highlight from tonight: i hit on her and her mother.
What can I expect? While all of my friends are getting married, all of his friends are tripping on robitussin
i dont know, i woke up and he was going down on me. i guess i can save his number
We snorted a line of cocaine and xanax, and then played a game of Backgammon. It was surprisingly therapeutic.
i just rememebered i spent like 5 minutes on the ground warming some chicks toes.
She tried to ditch the cab before she payed but she forgot to grab her shoes and wake me up
The usual, bring face make up, I have a weird gash on my nose, probably from my one night stand
I'm going to need to borrow your helmet cam for my Wednesday night blackouts.
Well that's the first time I've woken up with wet jorts
While he was gone for spring break I took his head board... I don't wanna wake up from his shenanigans for the rest of my college career.
Yep. I'm going to buy a sex toy and a LARP prop on the same trip. Welcome to my life.
Come to my pity party. It's being hosted in my basement. The theme is ambiguously sexual cuddling and wine.
There's so much mac and cheese stuck to my foot right now
I'm too over dressed and drunk for this emergency vets office
And pointless. I'm fully vested in all my calories coming from booze today. The salad just fucks that shit up
Randomize
