Thats not how I planned it, its just the way she passed out
ParTy fuckkin suckkkks bro I gotta fid sum biTch 2 leT me fire sum loadz on her FACE!
?
Nah, but can you imagine if I were seriously like that?
his roommates stood outside the locked door reading bible verses to us the whole time...
Started with us just having a beer. Now Ivan lit a torch to walk to the store, Ben smashed a 26 in the parking lot, and they're throwing broken shot glasses. Fratio Friday is something.
he was definitely TRYING to give me herpes.
He doesn't have any game.. I mean, his one move is forwarding chicks pictures of his penis.
Hey had an urgent voicemail from the Illinois national guard....have you been using my identity for your blackout weekend?
Yes and yes
Dear Penis Owner...our records show that you are overdue for servicing...please contact our friendly associates to schedule a thoroughly satisfying experience today...operators are standing by...
Seriously, I'm making a calendar and marking off the days with little penis's
somehow attending a funeral viewing turned into me snorting cocaine in the bathroom and drawing ninja turtles for children
she told me she wanted to fuck me because i was "rugged". if the definition of rugged is a lack of manscaping, slightly overweight, and pounding 16 oz pbrs, then yes i am rugged as fuck
Tell the cops to let you through! Tell them you need to do drugs!
OMG I COULD FUCK HIM FOR POT, THIS CHANGES THE WHOLE GAME.
I may or may not have been feeling patriotic and banged Captain America in a closet. SPOILER ALERT: We broke his shield
Shhh embrace your inner whore. Just embrace it.
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