Do u think I can claim pregnancy as an accident so my insurance covers it?
He seems like he has feelings, which is completely unacceptable; esp for a boy in college.
cab driver says "I saw your friend who opens her legs. she went home with two guys." pretty sure he was talking about you
you jizzed all over me and yelled "makeover"
so today in my theology class we brought up the proper way to have sex. so rough sex was said by the teacher...I said I know a girl that likes to be choked. sorry but everyone knew it was you
No clues in my phone. Only dialed call: my own social security number. And that was before 10:00pm.
how are you shocked you fucked her? sure shes hot, but she also washed your beerpong balls in her mouth..... you should probably get tested.
He told me that before I went to bed I needed to do my stretches and then processed to demonstrate a squat thrust, while completely naked.
we need to invent and abuse teleportation
what are you going as for halloween?
drunk, naked, & emotionally unstable
I just want to be like "i dont know you but ive seen your penis & i like it"
I fucking hate them. They came over and sat on me and made out. On top of me. Who the fuck does that?
It's your last night of vacation right? Be the Oprah of dick. And you get a dick... and you get a dick, and you get a dick!!!
There's a little game I've come up with since the mess of a party I had; it's called "tinsel or condom wrapper? (or: what's that on the floor?)"
I'm a freaking penguin. one mate for life, and really awkward at parties
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