your room smells of hookers.
And success
I hope you're ready because I look like an elf on crack had a baby in the medieval era and that baby grew up to be a whore
who are you and why are you in my phone as dr. seuss
At this point, I would light birthday candles in my vagina for free drinks
I've gotten 23 condolence texts about Germany's defeat. I got 3 for our break-up. That's how much my friends don't like you.
Only you can can turn Jenga into a drinking and then a sex game.
For someone only wearing socks and a cast, I felt reallyy overdressed
Is there really anything more beautiful than opening a fresh box of wine on a Friday afternoon?
I sang "A Whole New World" while I took his virginity
That is awesome that you did that.
I woke up half naked on the floor next to his bed, and his cat was staring at me like it had seen everything that i myself don't remember..
No. Dude. I didn't knoe it eas floibg to move. It's slepprru ixuy!
I had tater tots and weed with a stripper at 4am who compared the size of my boob to her head because fuck you my life rocks
I can never have sex in Utah again. The altitude had me breathing like a fat kid going up stairs.
I think I'm so comfortable in my sexual relationship because he mostly wants to see me naked with large plates of bacon tastefully placed upon my body
yeah i'm making him "thanks for letting me befriend your toilet" cookies. wanna help? i'm sure you'll be making new friends too.
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