I cant believe we actually had a nipple party!
You ever start fucking a girl and realize she kinda looks like your mom?
masturbating while the coffee brews is the new power nap
naw. unless you want me to sit in a corner, not understand english and eat all of your cheese then i don't think it's a good idea.
He fell asleep and I'm awkwardly laying here because all I have to wear is my tutu. I'm pretty sure his roommate is going to be back soon so this should be fun. This is my life now. PS. the background of his phone is a picture of his hedgehog.
He is gay. There is no bi when you have a manhunt AND you are an art major. That's like a unicorn without a horn, it just isn't possible.
ATTN: We are officially 15 weeks from our annual "Get-Mega-Stoned-and-BBQ" event. Start saving up the proper supplies. That is all.
Its the anniversary of our epic NBA All-star game weekend. The night the two of us cashed a 30-pack while watching the dunk contest
They invited me day drinking but brought their kids. 3 two year olds and 1 11 month old. I was asked to change a diaper, I laughed and took another drink of this margarita. I LIKE CHANEL AND TEQUILA NOT CHILDREN. Can we make new friends?
dude, we need a reunion soon, my vagina needs a deep massage. The kitty is ready to play
I got another blow job proposal last night. Skills.
Idk I'm sorry it's weird to ask for testimonials on your penis
You used your chihuahua as a pillow screaming "HE'S A PILLOW AND A PET" and proceeded to puke in the dog bed
I wrote a pretty good eulogy, too. Motherfucker pastor had no sense of comedic timing.
I just threw up on the way to class. Legit, on the sidewalk by psych building.
THAT WAS YOU? Psych prof just pointed out the window and said "that kids, is why you don't pregame before class"
Randomize
