You want looks pregnant, is pregnant, or the one with a kid.
While I'm in the bathroom taking a piss you think of a way to get us the hell out of here.
I'm at a crab and wine festival with my dad. He just introduced me as his girlfriend to all of his co-workers. I am so drunk I thought he was serious.
just woke up in a hotel room.. realizing its the hotel i work at.. lets see how this walk of shame turns out
Just lit a joint with steel wool and a 9 volt battery... thank you 3rd grade science class
I was ready to fuck him until he pulled the "I might be bi curious" card. Now its turned into a guilt fuck. It's like he's a 3rd world child in need of a sexual orientation.
you picked up the vacuum cleaner at one point and said you we gonna beat the shit out of me with it. that was kinda funny
I don't need my coworkers thinking I'm a nutcase.
You gift wrapped a tampon.
Henceforth: booty calls will now be referred to as "deliveries of anatomy". That is all.
last thing I remember is yelling 'sit on my face' through a traffic cone
I'm starting to think that Cosmic Steve ripped me off
Sex while Star Warsing is the best
What's with guys asking if I wanna "kick it" like I'm some fucking 19 year old
the next morning we realized we didnt speak the same language... guess i subconsciously did learn a little german last semester. thanks study abroad.
ah the experiences a semester in Vienna can give you. Frau would enjoy knowing that even while sleeping during class you still managed to learn enough german to get laid
I should probably apologize for licking you last night since you drove me home, but I stand by my decision
The gyno waiting room is so strange because the pregnant woman next to me is making a PowerPoint of her pregnant photo shoot with her husband and I’m sitting here trying to figure out from Instagram who I had sex with on Sunday lol
Randomize
