If I'm having a dream where I'm having sex and I can actually feel it between my legs because I've had a lot of it recently, does that make me a whore?
I have a feeling this is a serious question. Problem solve, Jess.. I'm going to let you figure that one out on your own
I drank almost a whole fifth last night. Woke up with blood everywhere wearing a "stereotype this" tshirt. How fitting
I just found out my favorite drunk show, Repo Men, is just reenactments. I can't express through words my disappointment.
The beer is more important than you right now.
Found my little brother jerking off with a condom. he said he was "practicing"
OMG its one we used last night
you're thinking of things to pack this weekend and you think Don King wig?
Yeah, she tried to drown her but then they hooked up.
I will seriously deflate and melt into the floor into a puddle of devestation, shame and vodka.
I'm gonna make a therapist very happy and very wealthy this semester.
She just tricked me into telling her the balance of my 401k... She's like a gold digging jedi mind trick ninja
Your niece just basically announced she's a whore on FB so you should feel pretty good about officiating that wedding next month.
We exchanged snapchat usernames instead of numbers. Is that what America has come to?
Last night must have been awesome because I went to get in the shower only to find the bat symbol drawn on my chest
That happened during battle shots lol
well that's what you get for sleeping with a guy called 'the defiler'
Accidentally made a straight guy question his sexuality again. I really gotta watch myself.
Randomize
