My 3rd grade teacher, who was also my fav, thought i was in prison. That seriously upsets me.
Please tell me what happened last night... specifically who told me it was a good idea to pee in my shoe.
this islike a room full of reasons why i should be in prison
please don't text me until you can spell three letter words again.
these girls were driving down the road screaming "SHOT!!" out the windows and pelting potatoes at passerby.
i got hit in the ear.
I'm hiding out in the living room until he falls back asleep. If he catches a whiff of my tits, it's all over. I just need to play it cool. Babies can smell fear
You call it a hangover, I call it a baby squirrel burrowing its way out of my head.
He could have been a one armed faceless howler monkey. I was so slammered that I didn't care what I was having sex with or if whatever it was... was doing it right.
Food poisoning on first date... Still rode the mechanical bull like a champ
You proceeded to get into a playground school bus and yell "all aboard to Margaritaville!"
I feel as if I need Plan B just being in the same room as them for more than 5 minutes.
My professor just paused class to answer a phone call from her dog. Im taking shots before this class from now on.
You were giving me all the reasons why being the big spoon is such a responsibility, and how you wish you were a girl cause the little spoon does nothing
You peed on a flamingo?!?
I HATE BEING THIS HIGH FML IT'S LIKE I'M MAKING UP FOR ALL THE 4:20S I DIDNT DO ALL AT ONCE
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