there was 4 little kids screaming in high pitched voices at the top of their lungs at the sox game and their mom just leaned over to me and said 'if thats not birth control i dont know what is'
Five things that make you perfect. Go.
The skin of a dead hooker. The blood of the innocent. The soul of a kitten. The hat from cat in the hat. And sunglasses.
The university put out a message about those missing salt and pepper shakers... You should at least give back 60 of them.
& he told me 'I don't think ur a big slut-just kind of an average slut'
HE THINKS THATS A COMPLIMENT!!!!!
So you plan on doing double washing machine sex? Like. A double date. But with sex. On a washing machine..?
I promise not to drug you or anything. Please come to my birthday party.
I have to answer enough questions about you, I don't need your uterus tossed in the conversation.
tell me why they applauded then the bartender locked himself in the bathroom when i walked into the bar today ????
Of course I have a pirate flag
I told you that you should stop drinking and you responded "Thanks for telling me how to live, North Korea!"
Please don't try and hook up with one of your high school teacher's friends
5 am booty call not ok. The fact I actually went over definitely not ok. My vag needs to learn some control.
If u could sum last night up in one word?
omgwtfpineapple
Three cheers for handling my crush on my boss in an entirely reasonable manner, by having a threesome with my coworkers.
This is the weekend we were supposed to be in Vegas making bad decisions hoping no one got VD, not stuck at home for the 900th day in a row
Randomize