We just got home. I got some malt liqour and a lottery ticket so I'm really doing a lot with my life right now
you spent the rest of the night making a recipe for mixed drink called "the new years bowel remover". it has 13 parts but judging from the bold all caps, the boiled avocado is the most important
Going to.goingto.gtoing to DIE DIE DIEEEE......i feel like everyeone impotrant in my life like MLK is judging me.... saddd day
So if you ever need to know a guy who knows a guy who knows a guy that can put a 24oz beer can up his ass... Hit me up...
But he found my shoe...that at least deserves a handjob.
Nope, sorry. Already took my bra off. All down hill from here. My next act will be crying, singing, and eating girl scout cookies in the shower. You can come watch the shit show though.
Dude, I just had the best sex of my life in a porta potty at the NCAA girls lax championships but didn't get her name or number. But I have her sunglasses. How is this possible, I'm sad.
I love your life.
Just had that moment when you realize the two drunk women shoving all their money down your clothes were your middle school teachers...
Apparently this is my life now. Fucking men in their 30s with small dogs.
we gave you a glass of water and you just started yelling: TWO STRAWS, PATS AN ENGINEER HE'LL FIGURE IT OUT
Well yeah connect the two together, then you can lay down and drink.
I'm not really sure if I peed the bed last night or if the cat was trying to get back at me for using her litter box last weekend
Guess what I'm doing tonight? Tacos and strip chess.
THIS IS NOT A DECISION I MADE AT ONE IN THE MORNING IM JUST GETTING AROUND TO TELLING YOU ABOUT IT NOW
Gonna try and have sex in the empire state bldg, will tell you how it goes
Even after hearing me fuck his friend twice in one night, he still follows me around like a puppy.
Randomize
