I hate u. Im listening to lady gaga and all i can hear is boca base om om om ommmm
This old guy in denny's is sitting alone and he is looking at us and laughing for no reason
i'm writing my speech about my 4th grade backstreet boy concert experience. that sums up how seriously i take my life.
he said i was chugging vodka in the parking lot, gave my # to a married man, started a food fight, and passed out at the bar. how could he NOT consider that a good first date???
it feels like theres a golf ball between my legs. the sex was totally worth it tho.
I wasn't trying to make you feel bad, I just agreed with you that your life does suck.
Is it wrong of me that I wish I could be a midget for a day so I can give head standing up?
He just yelled in the bar, "So I stuck it in two girls butts, why are you bringing that up now?"
What do I wear to meet his family/put his dog to sleep? Is there even an appropriate outfit for this occasion?
But he was wearing a glow-in-the-dark condom. It was like a glowing rod of kryptonite. I can't resist that, kryptonite is my weakness.
tell her i changed her phone's unlock password to be the length of my fully erect penis in centimeters. I'll be in my room for the next two hours.
i've created a new STD.
just for future reference, lake water is NOT mix for hard stuff. nor is it an adequate substitute.
I should've known a straight guy wouldn't know all the words to Moana
In any case. I fucked a married couple recently. Know what a straight person would've done there? Been super weirded out by 1/3 of the genitals there, that's what.
Randomize