its like playing clue every morning after we party. she did him in the kitchen with..oh god.
I love online classes. Spent the last part of my lecture taking apart a teabag and filling it with weed.
So instead of getting the if-you-hurt-my-little-girl-youre-dead talk, i got the alcohol-is-our-friend talk, i like her dad already
The bride says you won't want any of the single ladies...
Let's let the open bar be the judge of that.
I mean it's my life so what if i want to drink Molson from my sparkly shoes and not regret anything
I think I'm interested in anyone that recognizes I actually have a pulse
Cant wait to drunkenly tell by kids that i banged their aunt katie in a weird threesome
I Can't even believe I threw all my pizza rolls at her, I mean not only did i ruin a good meal but now I dont have anymore
Every time I see him I get horny. I can't help it!
Just stop. You're making other wives look bad. We are all starting to hate you.
It's a fucking menopause festival down here at the strike zone
Halfway through she said I was exactly like she imagined. So many things have been stroked this night.
We just saw two bitche in pink capris jazzercising down the road. On Thanksgiving.
I can't believe my vagina just got wished happy new year
So you completely disappeared from my memory last night at about my 15th Jager bomb. But only you. No one else.
It was like a single vaginal boat in a sea of one eyed monsters
Randomize
