I'm so turned on right now it's fucking stupid. I hate burger king commercials
i wish my penis had a tongue
We had like 4 guys come over and buy us all drinks as an excuse to hit on Kendra. Hanging out with her is now officially fiscally responsible.
It's never good when you wake up covered with burns
I just realized that I'm gonna have to lower my standards if I want random head.
September 16th, captains log. I awoke in a daze, not sure of my location
The only requirement is that his name is Kevin... All other factors don't matter to drunk me. Drunk me likey Kevins.
This is the 4th time we've hooked up, and this morning we woke up, he got out of bed and left. Left me alone in his apartment with 3 of his friends. Without even a word. Why do i like this guy?
will barter weed for kareoke machine...
I know you think I'm being paranoid, but can you please make sure Danny doesn't rub my wedding invitation on his balls?
I made friends with the delivery guy because he had beautiful dread locks and was a Zelda fan. He texted me after he left saying he wasn't trying to be creepy but we should be friends. We're hanging out tomorrow.
How does this kind of shit happen to you?!
He fucked me over, so I'm going to do what any rational woman does. I'm going to get really high and have sex with his brother.
And also ice skating can blow me. Goodnight, love you!
I used my mad pharmacist skills to turn ordinary birth control into morning after. I think my professors would be proud.
Omg I'm having dinner at chilli's with a guy who is arguing that getting a weed leaf tatoo on his neck will prevent him from getting a job as a dental assistant
Well that actually sounds reasonable
Randomize
