i think he just uses that whole "grew up in a castle" thing to get pussy
Oh my god. Just had sex with this girl on the boardroom table at my work at midnight (win!) just realized I left the condom wrapper on the table (lose!)
I probably should have cut it off when he started putting queso on my nipples, but within ten minutes I was a self-serve burrito bar.
you're surprised the chick that fucked you for a free cup has herpes. i don't feel bad for you.
Ok just don't go to jail. I saw your account balance. It can't take that.
Our house almost burnt down last night. I woke up at 4:10am to the smoke alarm going off bc the bean bag chair was on fire so i extinguished it and smoked a bowl at 4:20 to celebrate my fire extinguishing abilities
If you don't want me in your apartment then lock your door better
There are Vine videos that have lasted longer than he did
Am I the only one who saw the used condom in the driveway this morning
I'm gonna have to kick a girl scouts ass...
I just showed this kid my nipples to work my shift tmw
let’s face it, me joining a co-ed soccer league is like, 33% motivated by my crotch seeking a healthy outlet
He does impressions. Handy knowing you can get fucked by one guy and pretend a group of celebrities is running a train on you.
I can't believe you tried to cock block me from A DIFFERENT TIME ZONE.
it is time to test the effects of half a loaf of bread and overconfidence on the human body
Randomize
