I cant believe that bitch gave me herpes. she said those bumps were just a part of the natural landscape
wait, did she really refer to her vagina as a landscape?
why are you more concerned about her word choice than the fact that I HAVE FUCKING HERPES
I'm praying to Jesus, Allah, Buddah,and the whole gang tonight that I'm not pregnant
I feel like the other woman.
You ARE the other woman.
You stole my crutches last night at the bar, the DJ had to ask for them to be returned
I didn't even realize I grinded on a security guard last night. Shit. Did he at least like it?
my dad is now demonstrating how to start a fire with a tampon. happy fucking new year!
I approve. Last time I was there, I left E's room to get a drink of water. Found M sitting on the kitchen counter in his boxers hammered and eating a banana. He proceeded to feed me the rest of his banana then went to bed with the lights on. You two will be great.
Do u remember giving me permission to fuck ur dad and then getting super pissed at me when i said ew?
Shroomed with my best friend'a dad at his wife's surprise birthday party so you can say I have experience in the field
You need to somehow incorporate the phrase "these hoes ain't loyal" into your best man speech.
You blew him?!?!
*Am blowing
And I keep taking breaks to write you back, please stop replying.
Why is it that the asexual in our group is the one that gets laid the most often??
all i want in life is a shot and a cock is that too much to ask
He said watch this and then went and tripped into a group of 40 year old women, now he's leaving the club with them.
School supplies are right next to the margarita mix at target. Its a sign
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