I saw him at work today and he gave me a really awkward "I know what you do drunk" look...
I can't believe you made out with me with a french fry in your mouth.
i feel as if its time to shave my pubes but i should wait until before the party. nobody likes a sloppy drunk girl with a stubble-crotch.
story of my life.
You stuck your head out the window to puke and got hit with a mailbox.
This is amazing. I can pinpoint the window in time that you lost all sanity.
She started telling me about this odd patch of smooth skin under her boobs. Not sure if she was hitting on me or looking for free advise from a doctor...
I mean, I still played with her tits for like 20min tho.
one of my coworkers wanted to look something up on YouTube on my tablet. I didn't know how to explain why my most recent search was "girl fucks dog."
They just built a gym in the same parking lot as my favorite bar. Drunk me is gonna be so excited.
I was angry that a college kid had a new Audi
so I peed on it
this is an emotional support booty call
Can we relax the "married man" rule just once?
I don't think he likes that I'm always sending him pictures of me in my bra but he needs to get it together
My boss asked me what was wrong today and I really wanted to tell her I woke up too late to smoke a bowl before coming in
Let me guess you did your hair instead? Has anyone told you about priorities?
just saw those girls we met the other night. i happen to be wearing a bunny suit and driving your smart car. i think its safe to say thats a no go situation.
My manager is trying to help me find a good career path, and I'm trying to find a professional way to tell him I just wanna smoke and fuck.
Randomize
