TIT CHECK! TIT CHECK! ALERT! ALERT!!!!
The kid in front of me is videochatting and typing to his gf. I should make poop/sex faces over his shoulder, right?
Can you put "designated driver" on a resume?
great, thanks for announcing that I gave you head over twitter
at least I said it was good
He keeps asking where i got my clothes and accessories. i'm not sure if he wants to fuck me, or go shopping.
I'm at McDonalds and when I walked up to the register the guy said "I'm so sorry." Before I said a word. That's how bad my hangover is.
Well if I fail my finals for being drunk on Cinco De Mayo there is always next year to graduate.
You said that last year...
Would the plural word for douche be deese? "Look at these deese bags"?
Are you high?
Remember that crazy chick I've been ignoring and said I wouldn't bang her again? Can we start that again part today?
Whatevss it will be funn .. Hopefully no one projectile vomits on the wall again.. Its kinda become a tradition though
He came inside me, looked me in the eye and said, "Happy Mother's Day"
The trainer from the tech college told me that I would pass the first aid course so long as I turned up sober. Challenge accepted
I may or may not have puked in the ladies room. Now I get to convince my client to go to substance abuse treatment. Oh, the irony.
I fell asleep in the bathroom during my mothers dinner party with no pants on. Her friend walked In. I was told to not come back.
There are leaves in my underwear?
Randomize
