Dude, she had a vegina. I felt like Indiana Jones cutting a path through the jungle.
fine then we can just have courtesy sex i definetly won't like it
The project manager just came into talk to me for the first time and I had justed googled best drum solo ever and couldn't X out of the screen.
I got fingered by sexual harassment panda last night, by a van, I can't remember if he took off his furry panda hands...
he walked in on you at the party drunkenly dancing alone on the bed wearing mardi gras beads, sunglasses, and using one ski pole as a microphone.... and you STILL got laid. i dont get your life.
2 things. 1. I just gave her a 6 hour long marathon fucking for America. 2. Thought of a new invention halfway through, and it's flawless.
Survival tip #3: while you're hooking up with him, don't say he reminds you of his brother
Remind me in the future that chugging dog codeine is not the best idea.
Oh boom. You're officially Dr Phil. I need to have sex that I actually remember participating in.
I found pix on her phone of me passed out and her sticking things up my ass. Its over.
Can we just talk about the fact that the last time I got laid I was wearing a Jurassic Park tshirt?
So the tow truck driver didn't charge us because Ian convinced him that he was sent out by God to share his cocaine with us.
Pooled our money and rented a bouncy castle for the day. Get over here now. Bring vodka.
You know, I'm starting to enjoy brazilians. One day I'm going to make a therapist very very happy.
Last night was a bad idea. I'm hungover and the contents of my purse smell like Korean BBQ.
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