Im not sure if he just tripped or was star gazing, but i gave him head anyway.
Single schmingle. No one actually obeys the relationship boundaries these days. Its 2009.
I wish that one Sunday morning I could wake up feeling like I have my life together.
just had to sit in the middle of an aisle in stop and shop because we're too hungover and needed to take a break.
WHY ARE YOU POKING HOLES IN MY 3AM LOGIC?!
We shall study the pictures later and see if his penis is worth my time.
Scratch one off the douchebag bucket list. Just saw a guy in a sesame street tshirt and a tap out hat. Didn't get the memo that big bird's trying to get into mma.
How was that my fault?! I made you breakfast and gave you cake, as you asked. Then, you initiated sexual activity.
There are days when you go to throw something in your bedroom trash can and realize the only things in there are a used condom, a Lime-arita can and a muffin wrapper.
I woke up this morning and I had the absolutely horrific realisation that I am the human incarnation of scrappy doo
Thanks for being my pregnancy scare Sherpa...
She texted me this morning asking why all of her house pillows were inside her mini-van.
So thats where i built my buckingham palace
I would go disguised as someone he didn't have premature ejaculative sex with but I don't know if I could stay in character.
You know you're old when you’re masturbating and you pull your hip
She asked me if I could do that to her every single time. I said nope. sometimes it's better.
Randomize
