Vibrating panties would be amazing during this conversation!
my mom found all the used condoms in my bed side table
whatd she say to you?
no words- put them all in a circle, put the bible in the middle
this dude just took some girl under your house for half an hour. you may have helped a 17 year old fuck on the beach for the first time. congrats.
If i evwr doyble fist jack daniels and smirnoff again, i hereby give you permission to take them both away grom me and give me and give me a glass of wat
The guatemalans kept making all these sexual suggestions ... With the corn
I left two hundred in singles in your car sorry about the mess
He ate me out in the forest at that park we used to hit my bong in highschool again, somehow this isn't what I pictured being 25 would be like
You're married and I'm going to make out with a stranger tonight. Isn't that weird? It's like a gap in the time space continium.
I want to tell everyone I've ever met about how he him picking me up and fucking me against the wall was the highlight of my life. Worst lesbian ever.
If you don't fuck me hard, rough, and senseless the minute we're alone in your room, I'm returning you to the boyfriend store
Sometimes I refuse to go through a door until someone holds it open for me because I'm a fucking lady.
She's the good dick fairy. You buy her a beer and half an hour later the best lay in the place is asking to take you home.
He was tripping his balls off and kept aggressively saying SIT ON MY FACE. 5 hours and countless orgasms later I've decided I must never let this man go.
People probably think I’m a fangirl bc I go to so many shows but it’s really bc I like fucking the tour manager
My horoscope should say: you're an alcoholic, get help today, Pisces
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