So I went on a date with this girl...and whos our waitress? My girlfriend got a second job she didn't tell me about to afford my bday present.
So I just watched the Lakers/Magic game so I could have something to talk about with him after we have sex this time
the bottle said: caution extremely flammable. so that was my motivation.
it took me 7 solid minutes to realize "egggGSaucetingf" meant "exhausting"
Im at target. Idk why I'm buying condoms AND a tutu for my cat. No one who dresses their cat up has ever gotten laid.
well I was pissed. first he yelled at me for having my own condoms, then he got mad when they didn't fit him. Dude, I only fuck magnum men.
I believe you called it tequila and nipples. The proceeded to strike a pose.
Brownies hit. And just found beer. And the bill cosby show is on. And its in spanish.
I'm gonna keep a minimum of five drink promise to myself
You mean maximum 5?
I'm just like... Utterly amazed that we're still alive at this point. Who'da thunk it....
He compared my vagina to his favorite T-shirt. I don't know if I should take that as a compliment or not..
So i had a lucid dream about blowing myself. This is why people love me
Plus my parents would be pissed if I spent Thanksgiving in jail... again.
So, I think think I left my underwear at your house. Well...not exactly your house but your roof.
His hair is as curly as mine. It was like watching me go down on myself.
Randomize