This is getting serious. I keep forgetting what's in my vagina.
Just took my morning after pill in the library
We need to either drink and not go to waffle house or go to waffle house and not drink. I need to know which is causing these shits.
Took it a bit far last night. While leaving his house, I sent myself a text that said, 'you're still pretty"
I walked in and she was doing shots, betting the managers if any of the customers would notice, and screaming that nothing would ruin her Saturday night. Say what you want, I like working with my sister.
ive realized i need to start an "avoid moving in with my parents after graduation" fund
there is no amount of schooling that prepares you for when your morbidly obese 45 year old patient tells you she has her clit pierced.
We tried to break her futon, I crushed my balls instead. You have one less reason to be jealous that my balls are insanely huge and yours are not.
I got carried to one bar. Got a piggy back ride to the next bar. I was just testing our drinking team for st pattys day to make sure they are able to handle me more drunk than that.
And for some reason I just want to have sex with EVERYTHING
Making a mobile stripper pole for the back of my truck memorial weekend. Is where dignity goes to die
I made one of my coworkers cheers to me not being pregnant. I've never talked to him before tonight. Keeping it classy.
How'd the date with the redheaded dentist go?
She didn't like my gingervitis joke
maybe i should limp back to therapy...
oh yeah will you also bring home vodka i wanna do shots on the roof
I'm with jana at walgreens picking out penis rings.... Did you know they sell vibrators at walgreens? Wtf?
Randomize
