C thinks vomiting on the batroom floor = reaon not to party. Lies. Party continues.
so i had a hang over on saturday and i stayed in the shower for 4 hours, then crawled out, skimpered to my bed, and some kid i didnt know was sleeping in it
To be honest I don't know what's worse, the fact that I interupted their shower sex or the fact that I was so drunk I used the adjoining stall anyway
I'm glad I have good healthy relationships with my one night stands
i was super drunk. to the point where i was putting shredded cheese on a fork, putting hot sauce on it then dipping it in salsa. it was awesome.
I just reached for my seatbelt when I sat down to pee... Might be a little hungover.
sooo I am sorta kinda using your name as my stripper stage name.
I'm sorry I peed on the bushes at your law firm. Is there anyway you could defend me for the ticket I'm about to get?
Great. Now I have to produce, edit and leak a sex tape before Saturday. Fundraising is hard.
Handcuffs. Recoverd. I'm a goddamn detective.
I'm not sure why, but my salad smells like a Big Mac. Or maybe that's just the smell of yesterday's, seeping through my skin.
The only thing about him that I appreciated was that he destroyed the bathroom at your birthday and missed singing to you. And we all knew.
How do you explain to your kids that you met their mother well you were giving her a gynecological exam??
I honestly just wanna put my face in her tits and disappear from this plane of existence
momentary stint on a second floor library computer...guy next to me snorted blue adderall off his notebook through a cut straw, i cant tell if this guy is my hero or just plain crazy...
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