apparently i started the naked brigade. and depantsed everyone who wasn't naked. her parents must hate me.
Jake was my 1st thought but I seriously thought u already did him... & then there's the getting the clap story... so I settled on Ben for my guess.
I have done Jake, not Ben. But this was fresh meat. And P.S. it was ghonnerea.
Ahh, yes. It's apparently too early in the morning to keep your partners and their std's straight.
my boss said she was surprised to see me this morning. i told her there's a time in a girls life she has to give up day drinking in order to make money for next weekend's alcohol. she looked so proud, i think i might get a raise.
her facebook pictures are like a timeline of all the guys she's screwed.
He walked in, tore open the drawer, pulled out a condom, and slammed it shut. He was that ready.
We tried to get a ride from the same firefigters that were turning off the fire alarm going off at our house.
I just had to ask my dad for money to pay for my birth control. I've hit financial rock bottom.
Apparently, my drunken 3AM idea of safety is to send a GPS map of my location to someone 700 miles away. Seriously considering death as a viable alternative to this hangover. Death or Yuengling.
Please. That's just a patriotism boner. I watched Michael phelps win another medal and had to change my underwear.
Hi. This might be awkward, but I met you on saturday at about 330 am. I have to admit I don't remember your name, what we talked about, or various details of how I got home. What I do remember is that I was invested enough in getting your number to ask my cab driver for a pen to write it down since my phone was dead. So do you want to meet, soberer, some time?
Hey bro I think you got the wrong number I'm a dude
The last thing I remember is singing hotel California with a hobo and asking every bald man I saw if I could touch his head.
I'm trying to be sexual and you're sending me smashmouth lyrics
Dead. I am actually dead. Also, worst nightmare confirmed: throwing up in a four hundred person lecture.
I'm going to book club and then I'm going to get laid. Being in your 20s ain't so bad sometimes.
I DIDN'T WATCH THE PILLSBURY DOUGH BOY PORN!!!!
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