I no longer want to be the gay that plays in the revolving door at RelationshipDale's like a seven year old with a.d.d.
i broke up with my boyfriend last night because i had to eat a freezy pop in every color and he ate the last blue one. i sat on the floor and cried for an hour at least. everyone left. so i decided that this whole weed thing isnt really healthy for my relationships.
I swallowed and made him pancakes in the morning. I feel almost as desperate as Jennifer Aniston at this point.
I was officially considered the drunkest person in cuba when the bartender at the swim up bar made me wear a life jacket for 'safety purposes'
Other than a hickey from some random Canadian roller derby girl, I came out unscathed
he's my ex-boyfriend's best friend... he tried to make out with me to prevent me from hitting his friend. then they almost fought about it.
teach me your ways.
she slipped a pinky in my ass. Not sure if I came because I liked it or if I was terrified by it.
OK am i seriously the only one who thinks Cocaine Tuesdays is a bad idea?
Well call me tomorrow, it's a great story that may lead to me being fired and/or possibly being buried in a shallow grave somewhere out in wine country.
Swear to god our friendship has its limits. Stop peeing on the fucking refrigerator.
she shotgunned a can of v8, threw the can on the ground and said, "fuck bitches get money" then passed out on the spot
I just remembered that last night I ate nachos off of someone else's table with a stranger
You left me a voice message at 5 a.m. It was mostly incoherent noise, you screaming my name and then something about a man with two butt holes...
I just used my vibrator to scratch my back. This being single shit is for the birds
Yeah, I'm pretty glad I chose you to have drunken, sloppy birthday sex with.
That's the nicest thing anyone has ever said to me
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