Well i just wrestled a cop... p.s. i won
i kept saying "bloody hell" in a ron weasley accent until i forcibly told myself to shut up
some kid came into the principals office and tried to explain what he was sent there for through interpretive dance.
She's sitting on the couch buck naked, eating a cupcake for dinner. I'm breaking new ground as a parent here.
I just past a guy who was biking and double fisting wit glass beer bottles. That is what i call talent
She refused to give me a hand job while we were watching a war movie saying she didn't wanna disrespect the soldiers
Just saw a field sobriety test being administered at 730 am, I now know I do not have a drinking problem
Wake up, take the dog to the trails, puke in the woods. More days should start like this.
This isn't fair. Why can't sober me be good at bejeweled?
What's the address and code again...does anyone need anything and why is my viking helmet on the bed?
My mom is selling her car. I'm secretly relieved I won't ever have to tell her about that time you puked in it
Thanks for launching me off you reverse cowgirl. I think I chipped a tooth.
Update - might be back in your neighbor's good graces. She liked the framed photo I gave her of me on the tractor with my business out.
He yelled "Go Ducks" while he came
With gravity the way it is and your butt clearly being the size of a bus you'd break your hip or something
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