it doesn't mae me god, the fact that I am god makes getting dressed futile and tedious... btw i am still drunk
I swear she didn't look like that last week.
Best porno line to date...."drinks are on me..." while she female ejaculates into a wine chalice
Shiiiit I think I'm getting sick. probably had something to do with the fact that i shared my mouth with everyone last night.
Wait. That came out far sluttier than I intended.
he used a semicolon in his bootycall text, of course he's not gonna go down on me.
I pretty much gave up on you when you told me you couldn't go home yet b/c you had to stop at church first. It was 2 AM and you insisted you were late for mass.
At least I can pee in a cup like a champ at this point
Pants off. Spirits lifted.
I have to date her we need a place to stay for tailgating
somebody went from crying while watching Full House, to a full on emotional raging bull...I love this time of the month
So the dog chewed my vibrator last night. It added a nice new texture actually.
Why does fireball set life on fire? Your insides, your head, your behavior...
I'd climb him like a horny MILF spider monkey.
I hummed the theme from jaws while she was taking the pregnancy test....needless to say she was not pleased
A bitchslap is in order.
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