at some point when you're making out with the ex girlfriend of your ex fuck buddy who happens to be the ex boyfriend of the girl that you just got drunk with who was hitting on your current fuck buddy who is best friends with your ex boyfriend, it just hits you: oh my god i need to get out more and expand my social circle.
this kid down the hall keeps banging on his drums...i feel like i'm living in jumanji
everyday i am more and more thankful i can still check the no box for "have you ever been convicted of a felony?" on applications
just saw a man remove a wedgie from his lady's ass. who says chivalry is dead.
we live in such a classy society.
i wasn't going to tell her about the threesome but i had to explain the tree and the green paint everywhere
How would one go about tricking someone into chugging an entire bottle of tequila?
To be so small, the mini-horses are exceptionally aggressive. And fast. Very, very fast.
Abort! Abort! He almost bit off a finger!
i feel like i should invite him over so he can cockblock my roommate one last time before he graduates. for old times sake, ya know
If she wants experimental lesbian sex, i call dibs
My vibrator looks like a lipstick tube. So does my mace. I just realized the potential problems of keeping them both in the same bag.
Actually going to jail after your wedding is NOT part of the plan.
And now I have a massive dip in and a Bloody Mary that would catch on fire if you put a flame close to it, with no pants on... At 8:15Am. Being single is pretty legit
As long as you keep bringing fries home, i'll keep being naked when you get home
Ended up in his bed... He's passed out holding me and his bulldog is laying across my legs. Both snoring. HELP!! I wanna go home!
I had more orgasms than hours of sleep this weekend. I’m going to keep him around a while
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