I admire the strength of friendship we have that allows for sharing husbands.
She left scratches down my back from her wedding ring. Her husband seems like a nice guy though, judging by the scratches it had to be at least a carat.
He's blaming gravity for his problems right now, so put that in perspective
Ok fuckface listen up and listen good. 1.calling dibs on a chick out of your league is like applying for a job with a highlight video 2. dont fucking ski down the stairs again 3. if you do, put it on your highlight video
I'm making him come over again tonight. I don't know how long this thing will last so I want to spend as much time with his dick as possible.
She stumbled into class and Google image searched nipple piercings for the entire 75 minutes
Do you remember our dinosaur noises from last night ? Breaaaahhhhhppp
Dude, you got arrested and then texted 911 to tell them you'd been kidnapped with a screenshot of your current location.
They're letting me in by good graces, I can't show up with a fist full of dildos
I managed all three standard threesome configurations a female-bodied person can achieve in just under nine years. I want to high-five everyone involved, but I've lost touch with a couple of them
You're supposed to discourage my sluttiness not bring me hot Colombian men
My mom found me this morning passed out, face down on my dinning room floor
That must have been one awkward situation haha
Well I woke up in my bed.... I don't remember her finding me
I wanted to make my beer stronger so I poured vodka in it. Why god....why
I'd like to know who hasn't seen my tits tonight.
so you might not believe this but he made a powerpoint. and gave you a 3.5/10.
Randomize
