yeah i like to chase my xanax with prozac and then viagra. you're up...and then you're UP
I just want dick. Yours just gets priority because it is glorious
Chasing tequila with honey. Ill let you know how it turns out.
You can't call dibs 8 years later.
In other news, shitting yourself is not an acceptable way to start a Thursday.
I think they took out their livers years ago and replaced them with like cheese graters or something. Only explanation.
I'll be there soon. I expect Advil and a bucket of kittens when I arrive.
If your boss lets you sleep on his couch, you don't pay him back by boning his daughter.
barely 48 hours and I've done the dirty on both of my roommates beds before they've even slept in them
I wish you could see all the crumbs in my bra....it looks like Hansel & Gretel got lost in my cleavage.
The only person more miserably hungover from the party is the dog, and that's because he ate some balloons
Wedding party came into the bar an hour ago. Mother of the bride is a stage five clinger. send help.
What did you give up for lent?
Diet and excersize. And I'm never going back...
the bastard is cheating on me with some sleazy barista from Starbucks
That’s his wife they’re back together
You say potato, I say sleazy barista
It should be perfectly legal to tase anyone not wearing a mask.
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