I just fired a shotgun out of the back of a truck going 60. i am going to miss oregon.
one day I'm really going to regret not using the boners I got in planes and cars
its amazing how hard it is to tell vomit from stuffing the day after
Got 6 blowjobs in one weekend... new personal best.
I dont think punching her boob is the type of reverse psychology that will get her to blow you.
I'm masturbating to football. This is why I get guys and you don't
eggs and jello shots do not qualify as 'brunch'
Dude you were sitting on a bench on the street with her for 45 minutes thinking you were on the bus
You were a path of destruction, you started with eating half the cake, proceeded by throwing the rest in the sink and dumping water all over it while laughing... then throwing the drunk helmet across the room yelling that you didnt want to wear it... i'd say it was a successful birthday.
wellllllll.... I literally just puked in my mouth so perhaps this is not the epic love connection I believed it to be 3 minutes ago.
He just said his penis sings like Mariah Carey...Im going with drunken.
His pick-up lines are quotes from Doctor Who. Of course I fucked him.
Well, I dont really know how much penis you have at your disposal so I cant be sure
I would have rather been getting my vagina slowly waxed all day then be here.
I'm glad I didn't see Grandma stumbling drunk and peeing herself...it would be like seeing my future.
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