Been drinkin since 3, wearing a tutu, how could things go wrong
I've never been so happy to start my period. I'm gonna let everyone in the store see me buying tampons.
I couldn't walk, so he carried me all the way home; and then I told him that I wasn't drunk enough to fuck him. Poor kid.
can we change the rule from "no one is ugly after 2 am" to 1130 so i can justify last night
Hopefully my orange shoes will distract people's attention from my crippling awkwardness
Oh god. I just had a sex dream about the talking dog from the Bush's Baked Beans commercials.
I've already come to terms that I'm gonna have to bone a few gross librarians, but hey, it's college
who is the naked dude on the coffee table
thats jeff, jeff is nice so don't be rude
We've been staking out a taco bell for 2 hours trying to find last night's one night stand
I think he has some internal "man stuff" that keeps getting in the way.
Like alcoholism and general douchbagary.
You threw up at the outdoor bar and it was pretty...astonishing just how much can come out of such a small human.
Who knew she had talents apart from chugging wine spritzers
I'm drunk and kinda wanna go home but now I have to go have more sex, my boxers are in the dryer
Took my nervous poop earlier then expected it's gonna be a good day
Well, for starters, you were growling and slurping beer from a puddle on the carpet. Let's all hope that was beer...
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