who let me buy 6 packs of big league chew? and eat them all? thats not cool
I have to start avoiding pregnant women. This is getting out of hand.
My landlord doesn't knock anymore when he shows the apt... So i just had sex in front of a family.
didn't stop?
naw, they were rude, not me.
I know I'm not learning anything when I can't even spell the name of the class I'm taking
i didnt mean to paint the dog... it just kinda happened
i just walked in on him masterbating..to a picture of me. that definitely has to be true love.
I was just referred to as 'the margarita slut' by an 11 year old.
Dude, she introduced me to her best friend form Russia and she was a 10. Her other Russian friend was even hotter. How did communism fail?
she always winds up in the cupboards its nothing new.
The second I saw you stumbling down the stairs in a princess crown, I knew I had a friend for life.
I suppose I should wish you a happy one year of bumping uglies
Let us bow our heads and pray that I don't throw up in the tub
Eating breakfast at 1:30 in the afternoon stark naked is how everyone should live
He can't say no, it's my spiritual goddamn quest.
Why am I a human magnet for the worst dicks of the world?
Randomize
