there is a puppy in the bar... no really i didnt steal this one
My kitchen smells like failed pina coladas.
Free beer happened. I got hammered and aaron did his first keg stand. Then went all martha stewart on redecorating the bathroom. I remember being at walmart
What theme did he decide on for the bathroom?
Well as you know martha loves the northeast this time of year. I believe the theme was 'coney island' decorrated with hot dogs and macaroni
yeah, and then after the convo was clearly over, my dad decides to scream "SIZE MATTERS" just to make things even more uncomfortable.
I just can't bring boyfriends home.
Just heard Miley Cyrus' version of "Every Rose Has Its Thorn". Fuck everything. If you don't have an std you have no right to remake this song
whoooo knowwsss what george of the jungle juice is but i feel like im in the promised land
The moment that kid turns 18, I will have his sperm for all three meals.
Oh God. You're going to jail
Nothing is better than seeing someone you fucked go to the Olympics. I feel so American.
And now for everyone's least favorite sport... Drunk babysitting.
Love these next 4 months. Wake up from a college football hangover and get to put your hand down your pants and watch NFL football all day.
Just introduced myself to a group of people and one dude said "You're Marc!? I've heard many a legend of you." I raised bottle of champagne, said cheers, and drank with them.
He told me to take off work and bring a bathing suit. If this doesn't involve six flags hurricane harbor or sex in a hotel pool I'm going to be disappointed.
I'm spending my Sunday wishing the entire Patriots offense would let me touch their manhood
I would like to make it known to all of you that my penis is official retired, but it thanks you for the countless years of service you provided
I just tried to lit a bowl with my chapstick.
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