It's pretty bad when the convenient store clerk can tell you that you're earlier than usual for visiting the store.
In the airport and just saw a little boy put his head in his mother's crotch... I guess he took a whiff because he backed up and said loudly, "mommy your pee-pee is stinky!"
whenever he goes down on me he looks at me and I just want to poke him in the eyes
Wouldn't be the first time..I think there's a subliminal message constantly playing in my mind that says 'blackout', 'throwing up is fun' 'too sober'
I don't think eating half of a pickle out of my mouth counts as getting to know me
Look. You've gotta stop making this about you, and make it about my vagina.
At least you have booty calls.
True. I just waste them though. I feel like I need to be told "there are people in this world who would give anything for just one and you have two." You know in that same tone your parents told you about the starving people in china
I have cum and leaves all over me. Don't ask questions.
It's not an office Christmas party until your boss confesses his undying love for your boyfriend...
Omg just had weirdest best cab advice situation ever. I kissed the cabbies hand as I was leaving like he was the pope and cried
You told me to keep you from drinking, but we both know I'm not that kind of friend.
I fell asleep in the tanning bed, naked, for an hour and a half and I guess they couldn't wake me up so they called the fire department...and they came in while I was passed out naked...
This summer has already been like the best summer ever. FREEDOM IS AWESOME. GOD BLESS AMERICA AND GOD BLESS THE SINGLE LIFE.
They left a cherry picker with the keys in it on a college campus, what else were we supposed to do?
Lunch?
Massage?
Spanking with handcuffs?
Randomize
