took him home. told him i would rock his world. passed out. a for effort f for follow thru
It all came flooding back to me: there was a woman with one hand
I just saw a girl make a shank with the underwire in her bra...
we watched a tutorial on how to do guidette makeup
Don't mean to be rude. But did you, by any chance, cut down a tree from my neighbors backyard last night? And did you also drag it to my yard and burn it?
Good idea. You gotta take care of your vagina. She takes care of you. Pay it forward.
I think she's perpetually drunk
It's all she knows
Omg you can't vacuum salsa that's just ridiculous
It's like my uterus needs a hug... and anti depressants
He was so energetic. It was like screwing a bunny.
Drunk you decided to patrol campus as the Arrow and tell random bystanders "YOU HAVE FAILED THIS CAMPUS." Campus P.D. did not join your crusade.
That explains the nerd bow & arrow...
I jizzed in his mayonnaise and put it back in the fridge. Shouldn't have stolen my weed.
I feel like you're the sexual bearcat I've always wanted to be.
I imagine you as a cat holding your burrito with two paws and cutely eating it
Look get the dick out ur mouth and answer the phone
Randomize
