I just want to hang out with her.
You're a liar. Why do I have to give you reasons you can't have sex with my mom? I hate you.
ive come to realize my hair is a lot like my vagina. i put a bunch of shit in it with no result
I've never seen anyone write a check for a bar tab before
I puked in the coffee maker. I wouldn't make coffee tomorrow morning if I were you
he called me back to his office so he could lick a line of pixie stick off of my thigh
be sure to add "office slut" to your resume
The birthday girl is bringing her own barf bucket, it is going to be a good weekend.
A guy at one of our big accounts just said you probably dont remember meeting me saturday night ps you were right about those two girls being lesbian
If you don't sing me a lullaby then I'll just take shots till I pass out
Hot Damn Cinnamon Schnapps make me feel like the sun is punching me in the face and a bear is sleeping inside me.
I lost half a toenail and didn't realize it. Bloody shoe shoulda been a clue.
He spent like 5 minutes figuring out how best to position me so I would still be able to watch the game. Maybe there is a benefit to dating a guy who cares about me but doesn't care about my team.
Pretty sure this is the part where you go buy a ring.
currently buying a pregnancy test while braless so happy november to you too
She looks like a hot George Washington...I'm going for it
You poured all their beer into ziploc baggies so it would be "better on the go"
I was peer pressured into smoking weed by a bunch of LGBTQ teenagers
Randomize