I wish I could teleport
She was like a white Oprah, but with less conviction.
my roommate left her license, credit card, and cellphone on her desk. I feel like this is a trap.
hey, when you wake up, search yourself on youtube
my sister already found it, were watching it right now. i give it 2 thumbs up.
The drunken tricycle race really added some class to the Tour de Franzia. Until everyone wiped out and started puking.
you were mass sexting so we took your phone away
Well the weddings in 4 days so I already got the eightball lined up and the wii fit all warmed up. Still wanna bet I wont lose 20 pounds by the wedding?
Soo time for a life change, my 6 yr old sister made my gf a puke bucket for her birthday
i honestly don't know why someone didn't cut me off after i broke the ceiling lamp with MY HEAD
Oh and I guess I added our cab driver on Facebook. He has "liked" every single one of my beach pictures. Kill me now.
They figured our he was high when he told the manager he wanted a break to go wrap his dick in toliet paper and pretend it was a ghost.
That stripper was not happy when I tried putting a dollar in her court mandated ankle bracket/tracking device
So I should just walk in, look him in the eye and say, "I just came to fuck your brother, nice to meet you" and just walk to your room.
Someone needs to fuck me in my slutty pumpkin costume and I would ideally like it to be you
My professor just said irregardless, get me out of here
I guess he's ir-illiterate
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