I did something stupid with eggs call me when you get up. Cops were also involved.
she's doing push ups on the keg. hows a girl supposed to compete with that?
I'm just sayin. Is it sad that I spent my last dollar on a hamburger just to get a paper bag to huff out of?
I'll go out only because I know the starving children in third-world countries would frown upon us if we let an hour of free sangria go to waste...
As it turns out, drunk trust falling that guy at the top of the waterslide didn't really work out for anyone..
Being a responsible DD does not include attempting to coordinate a 4 taxi caravan to bar #3
You missed lesbians having sex in the bathroom and the whole bar clapping for them. I had to do recon. It was amazing
I need you to help me convince Steph that she will like Tequila if she would chase it with A-1
No night ever ends well that starts with "you know what this needs? More tequila".
Next time you think about divorce, consider this: a hot guy just walked in and I tried to suck in my back fat.
Yup. Can I borrow your penis decanter for my Xmas party on Saturday
We got a noise complaint for vacuuming too much but not for getting really high and yelling about peanut butter
I know I'm going to throw up tonight it's just a matter of when and where
Pinterest knows I’m getting divorced
we're gonna read the declaration of independence and do a shot for every word he doesn't understand.
Randomize
