direct quote: "i'm so over my clit" either best or most awkward conversation possible with your COUSIN
just passed a tour group on my way home. the guide actually said: 'and THAT kids is whats known as the walk of shame'
ha so i just found a picture of you eating paper towels and many of Laura freaking out from it.
So i just found out i replied to my room mates craigslist ad. Akward
Don't judge me. He's really sexy for a 17 year old. We made nasty in the womens bathroom at the beach. Don't worry. I wore sandals in there.
None of that is ok.
Dont judge me. He may have been ugly but he was INCREDIBLE. He's like the Susan Boyle of sex.
You're probably reading this when you wake up from your "nap" in the front yard. Maybe next week you should go to class, and not start Thirsty Thursday at 9:30 in the morning.
It feels kinda weird thanking you for sucking my dick, but I just don't know what else to do right now
At one point I thought we were going to have to fuck our way out of their apartment
I woke up with a russian doll attached to my necklace and a post-it note with "keep babushka safe" written on it. Fuck vodka
Matt says that there are strip club auditions in our living room and he'd like you to audition.
I feel like I should have backed off when "I love you" came out on the third date. Now I'm in her bed wondering which door my shrine is behind. Fuck.
I could run a drunk marathon in heels
sitting in a shitty karaoke bar playing pokemon go and drinking a mimosa. how is your sunday night
If someone tells me they're a paramedic, how inappropriate is it for me to ask what their save to kill ratio is?
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