if i'm ever as drunk as the girl in front of me... kill me.
no, no I am DEF NOT pregnant. typo. sorry, wanted to talk about us...
can you pick up canola oil? she lives by wegmans
who is canola oil?
you're an idiot.
I was 10 minutes late leaving for lunch today because I couldn't lose a boner. It is impossible to tuck it when your shirt is tucked in...gotta quit facebook stalking hot chicks at work
If they made snuggies with a sleeve for my morning wood, id consider buying one...
Just got back from my 9:00 am class to find my roommate soaking her lifesaver gummies in vodka so she can have them for a snack in class later.
I'm in Target and the lady in front of me is buying three Summer's Eve douches, a box of fishsticks and a giant bottle of vodka. The sad thing is I get it.
No. I didn't know. I thought mid afternoon shots meant the day could only get better.
i wanna pet his head its so fluffy. were gonna open a petting zoo
I have a cup of vodka in my bathroom with a straw in it. Yes, I am ready for this bikini wax.
I mean really it's like when you're super hungry and you can't decide what to eat, you just know you want food. This is that situation, but for my vagina
New rule: gentleman callers are required to bring me gifts of beer when coming over to court you. Tell the monster jam dudes so they know.
So his 25th anniversary post of love to his wife was almost verbatim what he said to me last week. Does that mean I win or lose?
I've never had sex with me but I assume there are worse ways to be woken up.
I got a 93 percent on my last mid term and I was drunk. Think of the possibilities if i were sober for the one thats tommorrow.
Randomize
