Remember that dream I told you about where I shit out my own skeleton? I had it again last night.
Let's get back to talking about you giving me a blow job.
You ordered 6 boxes of pizza and laughed in the pizza guys face when you didn't pay for any of them.
pretty sure I called you last night to sing Hebrew to you.
You were in your third change of clothes, and I found you in my driveway passed out with my dog's food bowl. You win.
There's a girl in the bathroom crying about something having to do with cream cheese.
BTW my friend remembers her as "the one with the pronounced chin"
Halloween is the only night where I would ever end up getting a guy's makeup all over my face
I would love a rich wife. Then I would be like a gym teacher or some shit. Bigfoot hunter maybe.
Definitely a Xanax and Jell-O shots kinda day...except my Jell-O shots are really just a big bowl of a Jell-O shot that I use a spoon to eat.
There is a BIG difference between doing coke and getting peed on and getting peed on FOR coke
We're snowed in with only two condoms. This will literally be valentines day russian roullette.
These snow days are takeing a toll on my liver
I'm pretty sure the cop knew you were drunk when you tried to light your cigg with a chapstick.
If I wanna spend the whole night tied up and getting railed I'm allowed to do so
Randomize
