If I had a nickel for every time I've used a condom, I'd have... two nickels.
If my vag had twitter, what do you think it would say?
The dog just did a longer kegstand than anyone at the party
you pissed in the sink and didnt realize it until it was time to wash your hands
all i know is that each time we woke up we were at a different chinese restaurant. help.
Dental hygienist just pulled two flakes of glitter out. And asked me how i've been doing with the divorce.
It's been two weeks and I still have carpet burns on my knees. Well done.
Her eyebrows were plucked so thin that she had to have gonorrhea. Clean girls just don't pluck that way
While all the other girls were trying to out skut the next, Cameron was just doing cartwheels around the bar. I think she's the only one who got laid.
Worst luck of my entire life. Came in my own mouth
I'm more of a 'talk at me while I stare at you' kinda girl.
You declared that afternoon sex will be referred to as "wet naps" from now on
Please wake up and help me figure out how I woke up on the floor with my head under the couch
I had to ask my mom to look for my kegle ball...
They just canceled the season. It’s going to be harder to bang soccer moms this year
Randomize