forecast for tonight is alcohol, low standards and poor decisions.
you kept yelling 'bird cage' in between songs and finally the lead singer stopped to ask if you meant 'free bird' and you said 'fuck you, i'm not gay', needless to say you were kindly escorted out
I just drank Colt45 out of a champagne glass. I feel classy.
Colt 45 out of anything is classy.
Oh so it was one of those "I shouldn't have gotten in a cab with a random 21 year old girl" kinda nights.
yeah the little voice in my head screaming YOU NEED TO GET LAID eventually grew legs and started kicking me so to avoid brain damage i had to fuck him
You stood outside his house all night throwing your sister's leftover Easter eggs and singing 'now you're just somebody that I used to blow'
Hon, I found you crying into a bathrobe in the back of a closet with a broken shoerack.
Somehow ended up home, probably had something to do with the makeshift ladder from my second story window. Now headed to church, still drunk, and still fighting back the vomit of a thousand different alcohols. Successful night.
Well Apparently I went to piss out my window last night, woulda been ok if I opened the window or the blinds.
25 likes of a picture on Instagram of my butthole. beat that.
you can't let guys come on your chest and then hog my blanket
I just masturbated in the tanning bed stoned. Best decision of my life
I'm not 100 percent on this, but I think I just shit a lump of cement. What the fuck happened last night?
You spent the entire night trying to catch pigeons and hugged a homeless guy and then gave him a pregnancy test.
I love you man I just want to hold you and fuck you until you only know my name
I don't know who you are but HOW THE FUCK DID YOU GET MY NUMBER
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