I miss you like a fat girl misses the prom.
I just remembered we said the Lord's Prayer before we went out last night.
the mandatory saturday morning class for those written up by RA's turned into a gold mine...just met EVERY hot chick that parties.
She wants out first dance to be to 98 degrees i do cherish you...remember how i said we didn't need open bar....
just hooked up with an air force officer in a hotel room paid for by the military. i feel like i should go around thanking taxpayers for the assist.
Opened my wallet to find a slice of ham with a phone number written on it in sharpie.
I'm drinking with 3 chicks and 1 gay dude. 100% chance I'm getting laid and 75% chance I'll enjoy it.
Idk if I woke up next to a cat or raccoon. either way it's purring.
I feel that shower jager is exactly what this man needs after last night.
You're a disgrace to gay men everywhere.
Seriously. What did you do to me. You have a monstercoooooock.
I can't believe I just typed monstercoooooock. Twice.
Came home plastered at 8am. Roommate had hot glued all the ashtrays and various items to their surfaces. Couldn't handle it. Went back to the bar.
I have a 30 pack and enough condoms to last until tomorrow morning. Have Mystery Science Theater 3000 ready. I'm on my way over.
I am listening to my ipod while i puke, this is most entertaining hangover i have ever had.
Yeah, sometimes it takes a while to realize, wow you kind of suck and not in the fun way
We are so disgustingly codependent and I wouldn't have it any other way
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