the bitch is dead man
YOUR DOG DIED?
no i meant my mom has passed out .. so i'll be over soon.
Oh KT! There was no tea in those Long Islands...
Woke up in an unfamiliar basement in a sleeping bag with Matt to a police officer shining his flashlight in my eyes and asking me my birth date and social security number. My morning went swimmingly.
Just saw a bouncer shoot a stripper with a squirt gun. He looked at me n said,"gotta keep em in check." I'm in love with this place
Ok, honestly? Periods can't be THAT bad, have you ever tried to shave a ball sack?!
that blow job was not worth the clinginess that will follow
he passed out at 11 at a party. he deserved to be stripped down an duct taped to the floor
Party at my house. Beach themed. Clothing optional.
Wouldn't that make it "Nude Beach Themed?"
He brought a girl home so fat he called me before they got home to unlock the right side of the French doors
Fuck he won the bet
Can we please start going to the gym before I accidentally kill someone via explosive fat girl pants button accident
She just called at a dance party, and you stopped mid puke to join. Another successful night.
I feel like I shouldn't be left around 30 year olds when I'm drunk
Random question, what's John-that-we-had-a-threesome-with's phone number? Don't necessarily need the full number, maybe just area code? Think I drunkenly ran into him last night and now I have texts from a John.
Is it ok to bone a former patient who is also a client? Since it is two negatives does that cancel and become a positive?
He had a small dick and screamed "I will kill you if you don't get hard" to it in German...awkward time to have to explain I speak German too...
This is why you need to stop sleeping with freshmen.
Randomize
