I just sneezed everywhere.....everywhere. Now no one will talk to me.
There's nothing more uncomfortable than drifting into sexual fantasies on a roadtrip and realizing you have a boner with three other dudes in the car.
I may also break bread with strippers. Because it is passover.
I wish there were college classes that were useful to your daily life, like how to pack a proper bowl in pitch black darkness.
You need to find a way to go down on me and lick my toes at the same time
I'll google it
Lesson learned. Never get fingered on an airplane.
Something's wrong. My throat is definitely not in it's normal spot. Way too low.
I just tipped the cab driver with pistachio nuts. And he loved it.
Was I really yelling "girls night" at random chicks before stealing and drinking all their shots?
just gonna show up naked this time. that way i dont have to worry about finding my clothes tomorrow
Idk I somehow continue to get laid by pulling my dick out and reciting the 3 world country orphan kid commercials
I ran into my boss at the liquor store on our lunch hour we both just stood there awkwardly until i was like your car bar or mine hahaha we both need a cab
He was just lying on the living room floor watching Star Wars with six empty pack of cigarettes and two empty cases of beer.
In his defence I guess I did take the bed, couch and dining room set in the breakup.
I just wanna get drunk in a castle. Is that so much to ask?
I'm about to eat a 2month old weed brownie I just found in my lax duffel bag. will you answer if I call you in like an hour and a half
Randomize
