Wow i just got reported to security for being a homeless person trying to break into the library.
I just made doing the dishes into a drinking game. crafty, or pathetic?
was this before of after we tobbganned into that tree?
It's gonna be pretty hard to find a homeless person that takes crackers as currency.
No you usually just ranted about the voicemail bitch until she cut you off again
You had your dick do your apologizing for you last night. Apology accepted.
Just watched a guy get through airport security with a full bottle of captain morgan. In my head the entire airport cheered.
I need Jameson.
Yea? How do you think I feel? Your job during the delivery is to keep that flask ready. The moment our kid pops out, I'm taking a shot.
You flew out of the bedroom, stole two Solo cups from the beer pong table, put them on your feet, clicked your heels together three times
I don't know who's more excited for you to come home. Me or my vagina
Her ass is the reason I still believe in a higher power
Wanna shave the hair on my back? If you're offended I was joking, if not I'll bring booze and maybe you can do other regions too.
currently googling "apology gifts for when you poop on their floor"
Okay so how much boob would you consider inappropriate for smart casual?
I've struck affair-gold. He's hot, he's ripped, he doesn't want a relationship, and most importantly he won't have to ask Gods permission to bang me like the last religious nut job did.
Randomize
