I didn't think it was possible for the human body to be physically dependant on weed until I moved in with this kid
Even if you were sober, spitters are STILL quitters, end of story.
I am the Bobby Fisher of drunk asss puking
I know it may not be fiscally responsible to pregame fifty cent night, but I'm gonna go ahead and do it anyway.
Apparently last night drunk me put my phone in a cup of beer to make it "fun scented".
hey, sorry about all the butter. I thought it was gonna help.
my first words to him the next morning were "do you like magic"?
Yo this huge scar on my head from the car accident is truly a vag magnet. Probably because I'm telling people I was attacked by a mountain lion and killed it with my bare hands. But hey when life gives you lemons, you use them to get pussy
I was going to try being motivated today. But then I took a hit while still in bed.
As a gentleman whose genital hole is relatively small, you could imagine my reaction
is it fucked up if I wear crotchless panties to thanksgiving to make it easier for me to fuck my cousins friend.
God I love you.
YOLO is a great motto until you end up with Chlamydia
I successfully cockblocked 5 people in one night. I wasnt getting any, why should they.
I told her I wanted to go swimming and she responded with jello shots, taking off her clothes, and jumping into the pool...I think I'm in love
Lighting a fucking bong with a candle. Straight up dedication.
Randomize
