So I just watched the Lakers/Magic game so I could have something to talk about with him after we have sex this time
I have glitter on my penis. Do you know anything about this?
I'm watching Intervention to get pumped up for tonight
It's not kidnapping if it's romantic
Is it appropriate to get drunk, stand up at the wedding and make a toast to "the time the lovely bride asked me to come on her chest"?
our generation is not ready to get married
The twins are whispering in turkish together. I think I did something bad last night.
It's 6 am and I've spent the last few hours searching for a cork screw or suitable substitute. You had none. Incidentally, I finally opened this bottle of wine, but owe you a new meat sticky thing with those two prongs. Sobriety is not good for me. Or your utensils.
making an indian outfit so we can be pochohantas and john smith and fuck in the canoe on the night float
Nah nah nah the rules are different on st patty day, drink beer or die. It's like the hunger games but blurrier
I just contemplated drinking cheese dip. And by "contemplated," I mean "attempted and was forcibly stopped from."
Your dress got me laid by one of Obama's Secret Service members. Patriotic duty, check.
LET US USE OUR GENITALS TO CELEBRATE THIS VICTORY
I basically have sex lined up for me in three different countries. If that's not a feat I don't know what is
I held the blackjack dealer's hand and told the old asian woman she was 'soft to the touch, but cold as ice"
i woke up with a shamrock tattoo on my wrist and a fat bruise on my hipbone. please tell me its not real.
Randomize
