do you know anything about the $5 bill with my name stapled to it in my purse??
Her boobs looked like leather oven mitts. No more cougar hunting for awhile.
Me and a lesbian played "may the best man win" over a bi chick tonight... I lost, still fun though
My Mom printed off all of my Augusts text messages. Apparently I've been drinking WAY too much and having an intermediate drug problem. I have to go home everyw weekend for the rest of the semester
I will take a blow job from a dude that kinda looks like a girl at this point
your vagina must have magic restorative powers I feel rested and powerful this morning.
I'm on my way back with the wine... And a puppy. It was free.
Seriously babe, why do I keep waking up with bruises on my nipples? WHAT ARE YOU DOING TO ME IN MY SLEEP?
Actually, scratch that, I'm not sure I want to know.
My neck is PURPLE. This is NOT a good day to be indoctrinated by the cardinal...
I'm bringing my passport in case we get drunk and wind up in Mexico
Fuck you know you drunk when you start signing the Masson impossjvke song to entourage yourself to pee
it's like my ID runs away from me when it knows it's time for me to drink
Now I have the opportunity to have Chris Pratt or Channing Tatum?!? What a time to be alive.
I am a taco. I am also really high.
I've always seen you more as a chimichanga.
Its one of those days... someone might die
Would a picture of my dick help?
Randomize
