Nice. Sry i missed. Also sorry that i pissed on my toothbrush last nite
Sink seemed easy target but balance was no good
I want to make a zoo with you.
Laughlin, where retired strippers come to die.
I love girls that fake tan. Can you say p p p p p p p p pumpkin face
after he fucked me and not his girlfriend, i told him to be a gentleman and close his eyes as i ran to the bathroom naked. so sweet.
your definition of "gentleman" is so absurd.
shape ups are the best shoes to wear when youre stoned. its like walking on little trampolines every step.
We eventually get in a cab (after david tried to hail multiple regular cars and some sort of shuttle bus)
then he tried to convert me to islam
I've never seen an uncircumcised dick in real life and the internet indicates I don't want to.
Is drinking before noon still a bad idea if you invent an amazing cocktail?
drunk in woodshop so don't even say "I SAWWW THIS COMING." I know you're thinking it.
Well I've consulted some psychics but they keep saying all they hear in my head is screaming and all they see in my future is pool noodles and cheese dip?
The number of threesomes I have agreed to seems to increase every time I talk to you drunk...
Are you drunk? You left me a voicemail at 5:59 AM of you making dolphin sounds.
I need my comforter. Pls bring it to me and drape me in it like an animal pelt. Ps I'm naked.
Randomize
