we have officially mastered the walk of shame
so my car got towed last night. I didnt know it cost 118 dollars to have a college experience
I got a lot accomplished today, and the day is still young! I built a fort, hot boxed a fort, had a tea party in a fort, and now realizing how high I am.
Wydf in so deruk i just dowwned a packet if salt waitibg for food at del taco
He got me an interview at his law firm and his boss asked him what he had to say about me. His response "He dates CRAZY bitches."
You insisted that you sleep on the bear rug instead of the couch. You said it was lonely and you kept on petting its head.
once you have herpes you dont really care what goes in your mouth anymore.
am i so blindsided by his great personality that i'm hooking up with an ugly guy?
i thought you knew
i can't understand anything he's saying. But he spells alcohol right everytime so i deciphered it.
We had to leave after he was in the middle of the street yelling "Balls of Steeeeeeeeel!!"
Batchelotette party success. I woke up on the floor in nothing but a thong, a garter and a shirt that says Just Do Me.
Just found out that my name comes from part of my mom's old stripper name.
Don't try to sleep with work colleagues because he won't be able to get it up and you won't be able to look him in the eye ever again
Did I tell you he put a lobster carcass on his dick?
He went three whole days without making a star wars reference, of course he got sex
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