We're facebook friends in real life
Do you think red sox nation has an official powerpoint template/memo format for resignations of manny support, bandwagon applications, and other official business?
I totes stole your whore crown.
With great power comes great responsibility.
Did you dl zombie porn on my computer?
We got drunk before dinner. People at the other tables were praying for us.
I'm wayyy too drunk to be in a parade right now
my roommate just showed up covered in dirt, drunk....with a whole ice cream cake that says "it's a girl".
Found my shoes and purse. They're all strapped together in my neighbor's tree. Need to borrow your ladder. Thanks in advance
My mom said she saw you at the bar last night and asked how you were. She said, you replied with, "Oh you know, just knocked up."
Figured I'd get right to the point
Whatever. I'll just fuck him now and deal with the clingyness later.
No sex in the champagne room. The champagne room being my life
There are no female cereal mascots. I just realized that in my drunken state... So sexist...
My apartment is so clean right now, I should invite someone over for sex just so someone can see how clean it is.
I told you I couldn't sleep because of the speed and you rolled over and replied "shh. just pretend."
i woke up this morning with a fake eyeball in my pocket
Randomize
