you're like the ceasar milan of boners... you understand them on a different level.
Do you realize we just stole 12 dollars worth of quarters each from the office petty cash just to get manicures? New high or New Low?
I just got a drinking merit badge from a slutty girl scout
eye of the tiger was playing while i pooped... it totally helped.
I have been drinking at the bar so long today that I literally just found a spiderweb from my leg to the bar.
hes wearing the same tie today that i tied him up with last night.i wanna go home
Dedicating my hangover to whoever the hell I hooked up with in the bathroom last night.
just kidding, dedicating it to the gods of mexican food. omnomnom
Of dear god, I've been waiting to have rug burn like this since I got bored of my vibrator 2 months ago
he told me it was like eating gods vagina.
You tried to pay for our cab with the 2 dollars you got from selling your natty ice outside the strip club.
This is what you sent me from the other side of the pool, "Idk but thers a pool n l wanna get naked take off my trunks ill paddle with my dick"
Idk I'm sorry it's weird to ask for testimonials on your penis
I'm not trying to take your husband away from you, but can we have another 3way soon? I'm just desperate for good dick.
Does your Fitbit monitor your liver failure?
I need to take my iPad to the Apple store (when this is all over). Do I need to delete all my dick pics/videos or are they used to stumbling across that sort of thing?
Randomize