I have carpet burn on my ass, I'm rethinking my decisions last night.
at a bonfire and someone threw a plastic cup in the fire. everyone immediately stopped what they were doing to yell collectively at him about what he was doing to the environment, then went back to drinking
only in oregon
College is just filling the gap until I get a rich girl pregnant
If i apologize for punching you in the liver repeatedly will you explain where the grass stains on my shoulders came from?
You sent her a pic of your dick with 'guess what you cant have anymore' written on it with a marker.
youre just mad because i have donuts and im beautiful
I've always wanted to pass out in a bathtub
I think most people do. Your only real mistake was turning the water on first.
You stuck a chicken finger in that stripper's clevage and said "Keep this warm for me.
He was just lying on the living room floor watching Star Wars with six empty pack of cigarettes and two empty cases of beer.
In his defence I guess I did take the bed, couch and dining room set in the breakup.
Then me, her, and her mom snorted tequila. The bartender was in shock.
He told me to take off work and bring a bathing suit. If this doesn't involve six flags hurricane harbor or sex in a hotel pool I'm going to be disappointed.
2016 is coming through for me, I'm renaming it the year of great dick
Me and mom just bonded over our mutual desire to bang Mark Ruffalo. I'm not sure how to feel about this.
I got home at 1 am on a weeknight with lube in my hair. I'd say it was a successful first date.
He punched me in the face while giving him road head, because he was driving stick. I shit you not.
Randomize
