your head's too prwtty to be stuck in the books
The cop didn't care that I was peeing on the wall of my dorm building... All he said was, "come on, it's 9am."
i just turned the eviction notice into a beer pong list
Disregard that. She just puked into her boot and started screaming.
That's science, my friend. Boner science.
why is my new profile picture on Facebook one of me with a bunch of strangers on an elevator?
Standing in my kitchen eating choc chip cookie batter from the bowl. As sad as it is, I kinda like the places bad breakups take me.
we can fight about whose fault it is later....naked.
I think I'll handle my grief by throwing myself headlong into lesbianism. Seems like a fitting tribute to you.
am i new drunk or am i still drunk
looked up people from my old yearbooks. 3 ex boyfriends are gay. im getting drunk now.
Honestly my life is shambles over a married man who looked like a fuckin NERD ON HIS WEDDING DAY
Okay, the good news, found Jared, all IDs accounted for, Jack is meeting us at yours with your requested the delivery. The bad news: Lost Alice, banned from Stages, possibly fucked my TA in the bathroom.
Slept on the bathroom floor again. I hope when I turn 28 I’ll stop doing that
Did you have a good sleep?
if a good sleep includes waking up cuddling a bottle of wine I had a GREAT sleep
Randomize
