He called me an ungrateful bitch because I lauged when he asked me "how do you me and a bed sound?"
Like I should be grateful for the 5 minutes I sit on top of him and stare at the wall.
theres a boy scout troop on my plane. right now theyre playing wilderness games. let me just tell you how excited i am to hit on all of them
I just gave my whole company pinkeye. How's that for a summer intern's lasting impression? BOOYAHH
They have a guy from new zealand living under their stairs.. they don't charge him rent. He just buys food and booze and bartends their house parties.
they just started filling water ballons with vodka.
on my way.
Dude. Her vagina is a blender.
I CAN'T FUCK HIM OUTSIDE. THAT'S FOR PEASANTS. HE'S TOO FAMOUS FOR THAT.
It hurts to hear and I can smell shapes.
Less adorably, the dog stared me down, yelping, while I gave him a morning blowie.
My brother and I have had one conversation in the past like 3 weeks and it was about what it would be like as a sentient butt plug
I wrote myself a letter, like I think drunk me wants to be pen pals or something
I ended up sleeping on a park bench. Never using Tinder again.
He's my blizzard buddy. We're blowing lines and doing a 3D game of thrones puzzle
Dude just saw some some guy puke out of a car window on the highway going to school.
He thought reverse cowgirl meant he dressed up as a cowgirl. Honestly, it was more creepy than funny
Randomize
