I think I speak chipmunk. Odd.
Are you high?
No. That's why it's odd
Your an asshole
Actually, it's "you're an asshole"
My point exactly
I can only be a whore so many days outta the week.
Samesies
i'm at a baby shower....never been happier to not be having sex currently
He threw a goldfish cracker into my toilet and then proceeded to laugh for 32 minutes. I timed it.
I dont know if he should be happy or mad about it but he's too big for a blow job.
So I told her I dislocated my shoulder and she said "well okay. I can either be on top or blow you."
Decisions, decisions.
He did the "not my house dance." Apparently it involves spreading cereal on the floor and then grinding into the carpet in bare feet while singing "not my house" over and over and dancing.
Saddest moment ever is discovering when your cat no longer wants to get high with you.
He kept moaning America instead of Erica while fucking me.
He was like an artic tracker. Walked ten paces from the tree, then 15 paces from the mailbox, dug down in the snow, and pulled up the case of beer he hid from his parents out there. It tasted like ice cold success.
Girl on the bus just slammed her book shut, turned to me and said "I'm way to fucking high to be studying"
The album on my phone containing gross pictures to send when boys ask for nudes is now substantially larger than my normal photo album. Because I send one every night
I left after he drunkenly went into the kitchen and started to make eggs with a shitload of garlic. First time I'd ever had a makeout session interrupted by eggs.
Chili is not acceptable fuck buddy food.
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