using my metrocard to split lines. it says optimism on the back. i am optimistic that you will appear at my door and help me finish all these drugs.
Googled "can you put dry ice in your drink?" I'm safee
For those pictures, I will suffer this headache.
You both must have been completely wasted because every once in a while we would hear you both stop and start singing to each other. At one point it was taylor swift.
his profile picture is him throwing up "#1" hands after his lax championship next to his coach that i fucked....embarrasing for him, yet ironically beautiful for me.
I woke up exactly where I passed out... on top of him yet he somehow put his pants back on
I think that's the first time I've heard someone say "this is the safest way of doing things" while holding half a gallon of jagermeister
Question: would asking the hot guy from the grocery store to "beer me" his number be a poor decision?
She just causally held my limp dick in her hand the entire movie. Her parents were cuddling on the couch too..that brave!
Perhaps if I didn't mortify my parents last night with my drunken obnoxious behavior which resulted in the casualty of an entire decorative bathroom shelf which I completely ripped off the wall and left for dead, I would be more than willing to go day drinking.
I just sang Hey Jude with a homeless man and then we drank beer together. Then I watched asians take pictures under a xmas tree for an hour and fell asleep in an MGM Grand bathroom stall. #AloneinVegas
At first it will make you think "how is this physically possible?" and then it will ruin an entire food group for you.
He saw me naked after our first date and still asked for a second.. so I think we’re doing good
You know those times when you're sitting down for a while and r like damn I'm sober but then stand up and r like WOAH HOLD UP.
You lost to your mom AND grandma in beer pong last night. pretty sure that constitutes a retirement from the sport
Randomize
