I've officially moved beyond college drinking. I just got business drunk at an internship seminar.
they hired a photographer to take a family portrait for grandmas bday gift. we just hired a male stripper. we are def the better grandkids.
The bride says you won't want any of the single ladies...
Let's let the open bar be the judge of that.
Robbie told me you spent 10 mins discussing the curl in his hair and that you said "with that curl in your hair, you'll go far"
I jerked off enough times today to safely commit to the fact that im not getting laid tonight
That was around the time you tried to kick me out for being rude to your fish.
I knew my sign language would come in handy. I just used sign to coordinate a coke deal.
I just burped smoke on the bus. Hello 6:48am
Wikipedia just saved you three hours and $30 on a bar tab. You should donate.
$5. Donated.
Sorry I sent you a video of a singing reverend last night, I was really high.
On a scale from 1 to banned, how offensive do you think it would be to wish my vibrator happy Valentine's Day on various social media outlets?
My inner 10 year old alcoholic is intrigued.
roommates are droppin acid, i really should stop them from staring directly at the light bulb, but their giggles are so enchanting.
The weirdest part of it all was wondering if I was going to take off his fanny pack or he was before we fucked
TSA doesn’t allow handcuffs in carryon bags. Super fun they confiscated them in front of my boss and coworker.
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