soooo we both peed the bed last night...
that girl is introducing herself into your group of friends one dick at a time.
I think my penis ruined a perfectly good friendship.
I expect to be treated like a lady. Even If your sticking it in my ass.
bah. we'll see. don't give yourself a boner of false hope.
If you can count on one hand the number of times you have actually, truly nearly died this month, then you are not really living yet.
That was obviously his first time talking dirty. He called my vagina "pretty"
You handed J your Mayan-pocalypse shopping list and told him he wasn't getting laid unless he brought everything on it. Where is he supposed to get a live goat?!
It took me half an hour to realize I didnt know them
I told you alcohol was flammable, but you didn't believe me until you tried to extinguish your sparkler by submerging it in vodka and the bottle burst into flames.
After I came she just held my balls until I fell asleep. It was like adult swaddling. Magical...
Cool. I might be making a sickly but incredibly well dressed wine drunk appearance in a couple hours
I don't question myself. That's what I have you for.
I'm honored.
I was sending him tit pics while watching how to train your dragon 2. It was everything.
Trust me. My dick only does selfies for you.
Randomize