What are these yellow papers in the kitchen?
These are the tickets we got last night.
Did i sign this one as Grizzly Bear?
Yes...yes you did.
so im goin to clemson & my drug dealers goin to penn state. this is the hardest breakup EVER.
I definitely didn't wake up this morning thinking "i wanna get gang banged today"
I mean, there was frosting being put on a tunafish sandwich. Pretty sure she knew we were high.
Can you confirm that Victor fucked a girl for Jack in the Box tacos?
I cannot, but I know he fucked a girl for a Nerf hoop and a "Kingpin" dvd.
just woke up on my balcony. who won the super bowl?
Oh my god please beg your father to turn the car around so you can possibly get laid by a knight at medieval times.
Was there a Canadian at your party or did I dream that?
if drunk means calling me and asking to borrow the game of life at 2am then I think you were drunk
N I'm drinking this invention I call "do-it-fluid" I had a bottle of vodka that was 3/4th empty, so I put in 1/4th rum, 1/4th tequila, 1/4th whisky... it's definitely the worst idea ever..
My boobs are feeling quite sensitive so I told them, " you is smart, you is kind, you is important" that should do the trick.
after giving head I just always feel like I need like. ice cream. as both a means of getting the lingering sperm out of my mouth, and a congratulations.
I'm drunk still and I cried and now I'm watching Whitney Houston singing the national anthem and I'm crying more
hey if my parents say thanks for the meatballs just go with it ill explain later
Boredom is so much more tolerable when you're stoned off your ass.
Randomize
