$35 all you can drink last night. Friend 1 woke up in a hotel lounge, friend 2 pissed himself and woke up wearing friend 1's spare pants, and my toilet indicates I threw up extensively.
everyone contributed. i held her hair back, he rubbed my vag... it was a team effort.
How did the whale quest end up? I saw u hit a little snag when the first one heard you call her that.
Your christmas gifts are already wrapped, how on top of my shit am I?
I'm hungover as fuck and had to break into my own house by throwing a cinder block through my back door at 4am. You're more on top of your shit than me.
just got home. some guy on my porch is tryin to show me his balls. no more parties at my apartment.
Me ending up in the fetal position in my shower is becoming far too commonplace. It's like a weekly therapy session
it doesn't matter, he's just a life support system for his dick
Go big or go home. i snuck in two beers in my bra. im here to win.
I need to have some sort of hot sex experience in a mask.
Other than trying to finger me on the couch in the middle of the bar a few times, you were fine.
I don't intentionally mean to ruin relationships for personal gain but. Yeah nah I totally do.
Dude you were so wasted you thought a fake electric candle was real and tried to light your cig with it. Multiple times.
yeah. i tried to refuse to leave unless the burger king himself escorted me out. that didnt fly
3 weeks in a row I've pulled '69' at the deli counter...God is giving me shit for not getting laid in a year....
I feel like I purchased a one way ticket to hell last night and its non refundable.
Randomize
