Where you are. You must stay where you are are
Where you are. You must stay where you are arewhere are youu
Where you are. You must stay where you 5eare wher are you!!
Y'know, without the cops, it would've just been us daydrinking,
Im really high right now and the vending machine is broken and giving out free candy. Please kill me, my life will never get better than this
You just threw your burrito at the passing teenage couple and yelled "It's never gonna last" of course your were a shit show
I think there's a website warning girls about me based on the 4 who approached me separately tonight and called me evil. Fuckyoudave.com?
I think god invented us with two hands so we can grab an ass and spank it at the same time.
all my money is vodka money
I have never read a truer sentence.
I was woken up at 6 am by a second grader trying to give me a sweatshirt for a pillow
it was also funny because at one point I woke up with my hands tied with a belt and we were both like what the fuck
I'm going to give you the best blowjob of your life. And yes you can use my mom's printer.
I don't think "growing medical marijuana" is Quite what my Grandfather had in mind when he thought me about gardening as a child
Do you know how awkward it is to get a dick pic while working at babies r us?
I'll do whatever I want when I'm 80.
If you are still alive at 80 I demand a medical explanation.
I just thought you should know... Instead of a glass of wine before bed I am having a few shots of 1800. This is what being a night shift nurse will do to you... Standing in your kitchen in your undies doing shots
The last thing I remember was them slipping shots into my beer bong, and me being happy about it
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