I would kind of like a job that starts at 10:30 and i'll work til 7. I'm not very productive in the morning. My main focus is not puking from 9-11.
you convinced me to pee myself because I was wearing dark jeans.
used foursquare to find where i am. please come get me. this is the scariest bedroom ever.
I barely even remember him. He is just a distant beard in my past.
I'm going to buy her a puppy, let her fall in love with it, then kill it in front of her. Does that answer how I feel about her?
I wonder if her husband knows I have my own drawer at the apartment
Tomorrow, you will get a text, and it will bE spelled right, that's me yo, certify ya soon
sitting alone on a bench with a sombrero and a bottle of vodka. really angry i got here before you guys.
he just looked at me, said "i think i'll keep you around, you put the seat back up and everything," and then burst into tears.
Btw he dated my mom. You're Eskimo siblings with my mom. Good job.
We could have casual sex if you want. But I can't offer a bromance to a woman.
I may have interrupted sex but im bringing them both to McDonalds. Am I not the greatest older sister ever?
When we get drunk one of us ends up running off and fucking someone in an inappropriate place, like the roof of the restaurant, or Greece, while the other convinces people not to worry and not to go looking. That good sir is a real mother fucking friendship.
Thats what I'm talking about
Yes. With one-hundred percent positivity I can say yes, I do not want you covered in waffles and syrup when I come home.
I dunno about you, but I consider getting eaten out on the porch of a houseboat in -30c in a bridesmaids dress a northern right of passage
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