You and your empty threats of no sex. Like.u.cud.hold.out.
sent the pic of my tit to the wrong bbm chatroom
I hope this doesn't become one of those friendships where we dont have sex
This is a whole other level of drinking. Like the I used to eat paste with these people kinda drinking.
They thought we spoke German and French even though we just kept repeating "I give to you a cat" and "Are you drunk?"
walk of shame into the pharmacy with a busted up chin and laughing the lady at the counter rolled her eyes at me when I asked for the morning after pill.
I think they can follow the trail of blood to my house if they have a problem with me taking a dip in their hot tub last night b4 stepping on a broken bottle
I still can't believe he turned down that threesome with us in central park. He must be really committed.
Could someone please explain the rug burn on the right side of my face and do I need a shot of penicillin?
I'm rearranging all my life goals to become a billionaire by 28 and batman by 30. Not kidding.
i'm almost positive she was a dude but like it doesn't even matter
re read what you just said
Someone with the Instagram name "hymenbreaker" just liked a photo of me and my grandma. I feel ashamed.
Batchelotette party success. I woke up on the floor in nothing but a thong, a garter and a shirt that says Just Do Me.
Yeah, I got home from work at like 9:30, and he was passed out on the couch wearing only a tee shirt and The Jurassic Park theme on repeat.
He gives me the same feeling I get when someone puts a margarita or German chocolate cake in front of me
Randomize
