Haha na a cat just ran under your car. Howd that happen?
Probably a woman cat. Doesnt think things through
from all the glitter we used it actually looked like a disco stick
It just feels so wrong throwing away the condoms into her Hello Kitty trashcan
It was like little house on the drunk prairie.
finally achieved: got laid in the religion section of borders. thought you should know.
I went to check the drunk texts i sent last night but my phone deleted them already. Even my phone is ashamed.
I think in growing up..I've been having a hard time masterbating to fictional characters
i just lost my virginity for the 9th time. when will guys stop believing that nonsense line
She posts like 3 statuses a day pleading for pity. Responding positively would be like giving a dog a treat for shitting on the floor.
buying my parents vodka for Christmas is like buying a normal person socks.
Well I will be attending the wedding with a flask of wine, potentially with a straw, and POM POMS for cheering purposes. Needless to say I will be well lubricated by your arrival..
No. If you are gonna end this, you are gonna do it right. Not by getting bombed and falling on a strange penis. That was the old you.
She jumped on a table and took off her shirt and started yelling things that no one understood. For being 3, she has a dead on impression of a drunk party girl.
Also, I called my liver hardcore in front of vet students last night and then wound up having three of them trying to palpate it. So...not saying that again.
I am that special "drink water and be grateful I'm alive" kind of hungover
Randomize
